Friday, June 16, 2006

The first day of my 33rd year on planet earth

It is strange that the older you get, the more you may want a quiet birthday.

I remember that when I was young ......
Birthdays were always a bash!

Maybe because it falls during the holidays and everyone was in the mood to celebrate for and with you, maybe it is just the right month. Is that such thing as wrong months? Yes, to me, exam months are wrong months. :P

When I was a little girl, think as young as Zoe, I already asked my mum for a birthday party. She created one for me. The guests were cousins and neighbours and there were even disco music! Hahaha .... imagine some small kiddos twirling around in a very small HDB flat? Hahaha ....

Secondary School days were fun. Birthdays were celebrated in dayssssssssss ..... of course not forgetting all the sabo-tage. Like being smashed with eggs, ketchup, floor and water ????? Ha, those were the days.



Now, how did yesterday go?

My little girl self-made a handbag for me. It is made from A4 paper, comes with a handle, but when you carry it by the handle, the base will drop, so you gotta carry it like you are carrying a box.

She put a pen and paper in there, so that I can write whenever I wanted.

She put a self-created game, so that I can play with it when I am bored.

She put a top in it, so that I can spin with it.

She put her first birthday letter in it, so that I can read it.

When she asked me what cake do I want, she was quiet for a moment but agreed with my choice. Coz, I wanted .... durians !!! And she hates that, hahaha ....

She sang me a birthday song and gave me lots of love and hugs.


She drew a birthday cake and attempted to draw 33 candles on it, but gave up at 13, I think, coz no more space on the cake.



My son ? He was too happy to be out whole day, it was eating and playing and eating and playing, till his battery life flats out at 8pm.

We put the kids with Adeline and had a very long and good lunch at Island Cafe, Level 4 at Tangs. Hey, ladies, next time we place our kids there, can consider this cafe, tea time specials are only at $6.50. kekeke ....

It has been a long while since I felt so relaxed. No rush, no burdensome thoughts, no fatigue.

Walking down Orchard Road can be fun, esp, if you are with your loved one. Almost walked into House of Condom, hahahaaha .... but didn't lah.

Night time, no part two .... coz aunt is here for a visit. hahaha .... corny, I know. It's holiday ! and it is ending soon ! sigh sigh ...



Love,
Jesselyn Ng


Friday, June 09, 2006

Would you still love me ?


Many a times, I wonder, if Zane can talk, what will he say when he sees certain reactions of the adults when he does something inappropriate or unacceptable.

My imaginery thoughts of Zane, just to remind me to love him, love him and love him.


When I throw myself to the floor, will you still love me? There is something that is not quite right, and I dunno how to tell you, so I throw myself to the floor. I am not being naughty. I don't know why I want to do that. Will you still love me?


When I bite you, will you still love me? I may be frustrated with you because you don't understand what I want or you are not giving me what I want, and so I bite. Will you still love me? Sometimes I bite because there is a sensory overload and I need to let off some of those. Will you still love me? Sometimes I just want to see how you will react when I bite you because I don't seem to feel anything much when my friends bite me, so, will you still love me?


When I bang my head on the floor and hurt myself, will you still love me? I must have been very very mad at you for saying "No", but I do not know how to manage my frustration appropriately yet. Will you still love me?


When I refuse to eat my meals and clam my mouth, will you still love me? When I really don't want to nap and I know you need a break from me badly, will you still love me?


When I make a mess of myself, will you still love me? It makes me sad too, to see you so upset over my mess. I still hope to know, after you spank me, will you still love me?


When my actions invite stares from the public, will you still love me? When I hum and sing loudly on the public bus, will you still love me? When I storm my feet whenever I hear you say, "Let's go, Zane.", will you still love me?


I hope you will still love me. Because I love you.


"I love you, my son. I always will." - Mummy



By Jesselyn Ng, Zane's mummy