Two Weeks Had Passed
Within seconds, today is the 16 January 2006 already.15 days of the first days of the year had just became history.
We are all left with 350 days for this year.
Since the start of the year, it has been madness. Sometimes I do not know what I am doing. I try to make the best out of everything. But best doesn't seem enough. Or maybe, I should be doing more still ? Satisfaction level isn't there at the moment.
Seen my dear friend's blog. Makes me wonder if I'm making the right choice in sending my children to school. She sees me well, I see her well too. We may be seeing each other's pasture as the greener one. I like what she is doing with her children. If we do stay much nearer, maybe we can home school together. I believe we can make a great team. We share rather common teaching methods, values and enthusiam.
What I've done with my students, I try to do with Zoe, but the essence isn't quite the same. Lack of the group dynamics sometimes.
I hope to do more for Zoe still. Sigh ... still thinking if I should delay her entry to Primary School. I am rather apprehensive. And fearful. Fearing the unknown. Our educational system here waits for no one. I can't imagine when her time comes, what will it be like. It is still a very merit based kinda education. Who really cares if you have high EQ or you appreciate life in greater dimensions?
As for Zane, my heart is so heavy. Just spend the last hour filling up long questionaires on him. This is the second time I am doing this. For Zoe, it is already recommended that she goes to Margaret Drive Special School, which I declined flatly. Can't imagine where will Zane be referred to after the series of diagnosis. Special School for Zane? Really? I don't dare to think anymore.
Zane .... please .... blossom .... please shed off the speech delay and all. At three plus you are still not speaking. Mummy is of course worried.
Hubby just said that I am so far away and he cannot feel me. I feel like crying when I heard that. But I had to be strong. Within me, I am crumbling. I don't even wanna ask God anything now. I seem to be like Eli (as in today's sermon).... to have his kind of attitude.
1 Samuel 3 : 18
" .... He is the Lord, let Him do what is good in His eyes."
God, forgive me. My heart is very faint.
So, what have I been doing last two weeks? Burying myself in work and sleep. I work very late into the nights on some nights and take rest in the days, after coming home from work or picking the kids. I am getting a bit numb. I don't want to think too much.
Tuesday is a dreaded day .... hope Zane can make it through. It is bad timing in the first place. But how else can I get a morning appointment. I do not wish to drag this test till March Holidays. I have Zoe for that slot. She has to sit for an assessment test that week. arrrggghhhhh .........
Remember the video comic link I posted two days back?
Think I am in that state when the boy has fallen flat on the ground, with his cross on the ground (the other side) too.
Lord, help me ....
posted by Jesselyn Ng @ 1:52 AM
7 Comments:
Hi Chern Chern, I remember someone once told me that we can make many choices in life, but there's 1 thing we can't decide - who our parents are.
God loves us so much that he gives us two unique individuals who have exactly the unique genetic traits that make us whom we are. In the same way, God loves Zoe and Zane so much that He knows only Wee Chert and you would make the best parents for both Zoe and Zane. He deliberately chose you for your 2 children. They are your gifts from Him, and you are also God's gift to Zoe and Zane.
Don't despair... everything is in the hands of God. He knows what you're going through. And He'll certainly see you through.
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