Tuesday, January 31, 2006

CNY at Kluang, Johor

My family had a good break at Kluang last few days.

To our surprise and delight, this round, mil and grandma put my family and sil+dh up in a new and small hotel down the lane. It is a 6 months old hotel, er, should I say motel or hostel? The room rates are unbelievably affordable. Sil and bil's double bed room is just M$50 and ours a 3-bedder is M$70. Well, you can imagine, the rooms are just big enough for just the beds. The only luxury is a TV and of course air-con.

And we definitely appreciate the water heaters in the bathroom. (In grandma's house, no heaters). We very much appreciate the comfort. If not the usual arrangement will be - Josh's teen cousin will vacate his small room (enough to place two mattresses) and move to his parents' room, while bil sleeps with the other male cousins and sils sleeps with mil and grandma. Just one word- cramp. :)

On the first night of CNY, everyone will gather at Grandma's place. There were easily 20 over children running around (including mine). The other children were all afraid of the dogs, and Zoe, well, she talks to them as though they will understand everything which she says. Haha ....

The first time we left the house to check into the hotel, Zane cried badly. He thought, it was the end of the visit. After a nap, and we headed back to the house, he was all smiles again. And, when it was time to leave, he would cry again. When we finally had to leave Kluang .... he was .... very sad.

Back home, in the night, Zoe typed a colourful letter to grandma. She calls her "Po Tai", meaning great-grandma (maternal side). After she sealed the letter and Josh wrote the address for her, she said she wanted to post it immediately ! Told her the mail box is sleeping.... hahaha .....

The happiest people this weekend must be my two littles.

I still have a lot of work pending. Don't want to look at them sometimes, but I have to. Maybe tomorrow.

Tomorrow is another holiday. Zoe's school declared off. Zane's school's declared off and mine too !!!


Gotta go now.

Going for a swim at Changi ....

Love,
Jesselyn

Monday, January 16, 2006

Two Weeks Had Passed

Within seconds, today is the 16 January 2006 already.

15 days of the first days of the year had just became history.

We are all left with 350 days for this year.

Since the start of the year, it has been madness. Sometimes I do not know what I am doing. I try to make the best out of everything. But best doesn't seem enough. Or maybe, I should be doing more still ? Satisfaction level isn't there at the moment.

Seen my dear friend's blog. Makes me wonder if I'm making the right choice in sending my children to school. She sees me well, I see her well too. We may be seeing each other's pasture as the greener one. I like what she is doing with her children. If we do stay much nearer, maybe we can home school together. I believe we can make a great team. We share rather common teaching methods, values and enthusiam.

What I've done with my students, I try to do with Zoe, but the essence isn't quite the same. Lack of the group dynamics sometimes.

I hope to do more for Zoe still. Sigh ... still thinking if I should delay her entry to Primary School. I am rather apprehensive. And fearful. Fearing the unknown. Our educational system here waits for no one. I can't imagine when her time comes, what will it be like. It is still a very merit based kinda education. Who really cares if you have high EQ or you appreciate life in greater dimensions?

As for Zane, my heart is so heavy. Just spend the last hour filling up long questionaires on him. This is the second time I am doing this. For Zoe, it is already recommended that she goes to Margaret Drive Special School, which I declined flatly. Can't imagine where will Zane be referred to after the series of diagnosis. Special School for Zane? Really? I don't dare to think anymore.

Zane .... please .... blossom .... please shed off the speech delay and all. At three plus you are still not speaking. Mummy is of course worried.

Hubby just said that I am so far away and he cannot feel me. I feel like crying when I heard that. But I had to be strong. Within me, I am crumbling. I don't even wanna ask God anything now. I seem to be like Eli (as in today's sermon).... to have his kind of attitude.

1 Samuel 3 : 18
" .... He is the Lord, let Him do what is good in His eyes."

God, forgive me. My heart is very faint.

So, what have I been doing last two weeks? Burying myself in work and sleep. I work very late into the nights on some nights and take rest in the days, after coming home from work or picking the kids. I am getting a bit numb. I don't want to think too much.

Tuesday is a dreaded day .... hope Zane can make it through. It is bad timing in the first place. But how else can I get a morning appointment. I do not wish to drag this test till March Holidays. I have Zoe for that slot. She has to sit for an assessment test that week. arrrggghhhhh .........

Remember the video comic link I posted two days back?

Think I am in that state when the boy has fallen flat on the ground, with his cross on the ground (the other side) too.

Lord, help me ....

could you guard this post for me, main web site

hope this will bless you.

http://www.donghaeng.net/english/main.htm

Love,
Jesselyn

Friday, January 13, 2006

could you guard this post for me?

May you be encouraged.

In His love and service,
Jess


http://www.donghaeng.net/english/duty/duty.swf

Monday, January 02, 2006

A New Year ... A New Beginning ....

2006 started silently for me. Think the new year welcomed me, rather than I welcomed the new year. I wasn't too keen to get outdoors that New Year's Eve's evening.

31 December 2005, Saturday

I had a good time catching up with an old friend whom I've not met for 4+ years. She is doing fine. Got on with life, in fact, climbing the ladder and found a new spouse. All of us could see that her previous husband wasn't suitable for her. But maybe, love is powerful and thus blinding. At least I know she tried hard, she wanted it to work. But the disparity just grew too wide. Anyway, the thing which upsets me most is the "top interference" on my friendship with her and the "non-interference" mismanagement from them. Till today, this has remain a sore spot in my life. I'm blessed seeing her so gracious. I wish her happiness and love always. A woman, no matter how successful in career, still need a man to love her tenderly.

I met my old PPH colleagues too. Some whom I've not worked with. Seemed like I was the newest among them. Some of their friendships are coming to 20 years. Wow, that is really long. I met an ex-colleague who is a stay home mum now. She has three girls. Later I heard that she has been very much on her own and she only gets to attend such gatherings once a year. When she was invited, her hubby readily encouraged her to go. I can identify with that. And sometimes, I hate that. You just have to work hard to maintain a certain network of mummy friends, if not, you may just get very routined and mundane.

It was a good day of time-out for me.

New Year's Day was just church and then a gathering for Josh with his dance friends. Babysitting and more babysitting, that's it. Nothing eventful. Well, at least we skipped family dinner and had a peaceful night.

Drove out to Ridout at ten. Nothing romantic about the place when you were with two kids. Haha ....

Today's weather was good. We went to Pasir Ris Park. Zoe got to fly kite for the first time. Both kids had a great time, esp the ice cream treat. It was a lovely sight seeing Zoe sharing her ice cream with Zane when Zane cried that he had finished his. Zoe is getting more and more sisterly as the weeks go by. Well, she still mind rejections but at least she is willing to try now. Like ushering Zane into the lift for me or stopping Zane from going to far off from mummy.

Simple surprises can make Zane very happy. I've bought for him Ikea's round cushions and made gigantic numbers for him. He is simply delighted. His favourites are the green cushions, numbers 8 and 4. Guess I will make another few sets for him. It is good to invest in a laminator. At least this cheap one works better than the big one in school. Does the brand of pouch matter? Think i better stick to the same brand.

As I looked back at 2005, I am thankful for a new beginning in my life for me at a new teaching place. I've been blessed with a great boss and wonderful colleagues. This is the most important for us teachers. Supportive and conducive working environment is important so that we can perform our best at work.

I'm looking forward to 2006 definitely. I am also very blessed that I am following up my students for this year. Will do my best. Yeah ........

Have a blessed new year too, everyone !

Love,
Jesselyn Ng