Clay in The Potter's Hands

Newest Blog Site

2008-09-22T20:39:00.002+08:00

This is my newest blog site :

http://jjzzl.wordpress.com/

See you there.

Jesselyn Ng

http://joshjesselynzoezane.spaces.live.com/

2007-03-06T05:50:00.000+08:00

Chinese New Year

2007-02-17T10:05:00.000+08:00

Honestly, I do not look forward to this celebration. I dislike facing those relatives. Superficial and at times vicious. My maternal side is kinder and simpler. Chert's grandma is lovely. That's about all.

I've a lot of mixed feelings over this.

I shared a bit in the parents' support group which I am in.

I am glad to read some of these parents' useful BTDT survival tips.

I will honestly consider trying out some of the suggestions and changing of mindsets this CNY.

May God give me strength and grace.

Amen.

.......................................

P/S : Thank You, God! These real life experiences shared are so timely.

With Appreciation towards these parents who walk in the same pair of shoes as mine.

Ren2 Jian1 You3 Ai4

After 44 days have passed

2007-02-13T19:01:00.000+08:00

Couldn't believe myself when I look at my calendar and it reads "13th February 2007"!

44th day of the year?

And what have I done?

Hmmmmm .....

At work, the pace is very fast. Sometimes, I'm like catching up with my students. It seems like many, many things are awaiting to be done. I'm left with 2+ weeks. It has been an exciting term thus far. I witness the children absorbing more and acquiring more skills and knowledge. I am pleased with their progress.

Zane is doing well at AAS too. Thank God for being with us every session. For giving me the physically strength to go through the sessions with him and to carry my 24kg son home, if there is a need.

Zoe settles into my class smoothly. It can be hard on her as mummy is at times overly strict and stern. Maybe, just say that my expectation of her is higher? Naturally. She is doing fine, this I'm glad, just some usual social issues.

I only wish I have more time alone with Josh. Week after week, it is children, work, children, work. Parents, employees, parents, employees. How about lovers, spouses, partners? Sigh sigh ....... But, we will never take in a foreign helper. This, we stand by it. We will raise our two children personally.

Gotta go. Taking them to the stadium for a run.

Ciao

The Altar

2007-02-05T17:59:00.000+08:00

For a very long, long time, I refused to go to the Altar whenever Altar Calls were given. It was easily 3 to 4 years of refusal. Maybe, for as long as how old Zane is. Or at the very least, as long as since I was at my "cold phase" in my mother church.

We were with an Anglican church for almost a year. This church does not open the Altar often. However, each time when the Altar was opened, I still remained at my seat.

Maybe my heart is still cold. Maybe I am still angry with God. Maybe I still feel I do not deserve such treatment in life.

Yesterday, in the present church we have been attending since August last year, I went to the Altar when it was opened. I wept and I wept and I wept. God's Presence and Comfort of the Holy Spirit brought me to my knees. I just wept silently for a very long time. A kind lady quietly placed a piece of tissue paper into my palm. I think I was there for easily 20 minutes.

Finally, I did not stand outside God's temple whenever I come to see Him.

Finally, by the Blood of the Lamb, I dared to step into the Holy of Holies.

It was awesome. It was fearsome. It was majestic. It was consuming.

Yet, it was gentle and assuring. It was familiar.

Healing flows. Freedom comes.

And my heart cries out, "Abba Father".

Thank You, God.

if only ...

2007-01-28T22:38:00.000+08:00

if only the weekend is longer....

if only I do not have such high expectations of myself at work.....

if only I am more willing to let go.....

if only I am more trusting.....

if only I lower my expectations of others....

if only my heart will not grow cold and weary....

if only the world is still a beautiful and kind place.....

if only the ground we are toiling on is not hard ground.....

if only I can still sing the songs I want to sing.....

if only I can feel someone is really listening.....

if only I can be sure he is here.....

if only I can be strong no matter what tidal wave hits me relentlessly and continuously.....

if only I have a little space to be myself.....

if only I can rest....

sometimes, I wish I am HOME

no more pain....

no more sorrow.....

no more trials....

no more tears.....

how long more can I be strong ?

I am, at the end of the day, still a woman.

Oh yes, woman is made to have the inner strength that her stronger half may not possess.

Does this matter?

another week is dawning and I am so not looking forward.

He wiped my tears

2007-01-22T21:41:00.000+08:00

Last night was horrible for me when we were at my in laws' place for dinner.

Mil raised an issue. Accused me of giving her pressure when what I did was just circling tomorrow's date on her calendar to remind myself to let her know that I need her help in minding Zane in the aftenoon as Zoe has an assessment test with NUH's psychologist. I felt so ........... not in the family, especially when she commented that the calendar is only meant for the three of them who live in her flat. Ok then, noted, as far as the silly calendar is concerned, I am AN OUTSIDER!

This is so super hurting. I couldn't hold back my tears. Took over the feeding of Zane forcefully from Josh. Think brother-in-law saw my black face. But, what the heck. I couldn't bring myself to sit next to mil for dinner (this family has designated seatings for dinner, btw), so I purposely took a lonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnggggggggggggggggg time to feed Zane. I took two pieces of tissue paper on the pretext of wiping Zane's mouth. Actually for my own tears lah. I backfaced everyone and just cried as I fed Zane.

Then ..... Zane stretched out his hand .... and wiped the tears on my cheeks !!!

He knew I was sad !! He "told" me, "Mummy, don't cry, I love you!"

I was touched beyond words.

Love,
Jess

A Different Ball Game Altogether

2007-01-18T05:52:00.000+08:00

Nowadays ......

I find myself speaking a different kind of language.

I find myself finding a different type of resources.

I find myself mixing among a different group of people.

I find myself doing a different kind of job.

I find myself mothering in a different way.

I find myself in a very different world.

I find myself in ....... Zane's world, a very different kind of world.

I live, breathe, speak, read, listen, do, research (etc) ..... autism.

And this is such a huge and foreign world to me.

I'm like an alien on this A planet.

I will be bold enough to continue to be in this game, together with my son. He will be my coach and I will be his trainee. I must admit through Zane, I've been learning a lot more, first as a person, next as a mother and lastly as an educator. Zane has taught me to "read" people, especially reading little people. This is one subject my early childhood lecturers never taught me in school. Zane has been giving me the "on the job training".

"Lord, please give me strength to trod on this road less travelled."

Love,
Jesselyn Ng

Thinly Spread ....

2007-01-16T18:45:00.000+08:00

I'm very thinly spread.

Praying for more divine strength.

I need a renewed mind which only Your Holy Spirit can give.

Let me be the lamp which have enough oil ... for the darkest hours of the night.

Amen.

Prayerful me

Marketplace aka Work Place

2007-01-09T17:22:00.000+08:00

Colleagues are good to have, especially if you can get along well with them. It will be a bonus if you can develop close friendships with them and these relations even stay after one of you leaves the work place.

By the Grace and Provision of the Lord, I have the opportunity to know a great bunch of colleagues from my previous work places. In the first school I taught in, I got to know 20 over ladies over the span of 8 years. My Principal cum Mentor was a godly and wise lady. Working under her not only equipped me for this field beyond the teaching skills, she had also taught me the Christian principles behind human dynamics. My colleagues were also a wonderful lot of Christian ladies.

On New Year's day, I was invited to a dear ex-colleague's son's wedding. My hubby was perplexed that I was invited to a wedding whereby I don't even know the groom and bride. Hee .... strange hor? But, it was very fun. Ahem, it just shows how young I was when I first started in this career, grins. Our table was like a reunion sort of setting. Lots of laughter, pulling of one another's legs, teasing, catching up etc. And of course, we were noisy. Thankfully, we were in a very good corner.

At my second work place, though it was just a short stint of 3 months, I am blessed to know 3 very good colleagues who are in their 40s. They are full if wisdom whenever they give me parenting advises. I am so happy to "see" beyond my circumstances through their experiences, that alone can save me from potential heartaches.

Truly, at times it is good to

"Ting1 Lao3 Ren2 Yan2"

This is my 3rd year in this Kindergarten I'm working with. By God's provision again, I am glad that I can have a part time teaching post. The timing fits perfectly around my two children's schooling hours. Initially, I would have to stop teaching for this year if Zoe is in Primary One. Zoe's deferment will enable me to bring her along to work and continue to teach. Thank You, Lord!

At this place, I am also very blessed to be surrounded by very good and understanding colleagues. I have good bosses and mentors too. And .... being in a Christian environment helps me to grow, in faith and in grace.

Amen.

Love,
Jesselyn Ng

Changes. Some are welcomed. Some are not.

2007-01-08T17:48:00.000+08:00

2007 began as a different year which I had expected in 2006.

Zoe was registered with Jurong Primary School and due to begin her Primary One life last Wednesday. However, mummy and daddy dears sought for deferment for her. Getting an approval was easy. I see it as better for her that she has another year in preschool to get ready for the bigger school. Furthermore she is a year 2000 baby, which means she will have to compete with the same 46000+ children her age in every phase of their education and even possibly including job search.

Getting Zoe to come to terms with this deferment was not easy. She understands that she is already 6. She looked forward to going to a big school like the rest of her peers. She looked forward to growing up.

Sorry, little angel, I have to dash your dreams for a year. I have Zane to consider too. So, mummy really have to slow you down a bit.

By God's divine intervention and provision, Zane was offered a place at AAS. He was suppose to start EIP with Fei Yue, but somehow, AAS called and granted him a place. Even though the timing isn't too ideal as Zane can be rather sleepy during the sessions, I am glad that he was able to survive through each session so far.

There are changes requested from Zane's school. Firstly, he is on half day care now. That also means once I'm done at my school, I've to drop everything or carry outstanding work back so that I can pick Zane by one. Before reaching his school, it will be a bonus if Zoe gets to eat her lunch. If not, it will be late lunch for her. Not ideal definitely, but can't be helped. I really pray that the shadowing arrangement will really work out. If Zane were to quit school, that also means I have to quit too.

I can quit my job, but hopefully after I complete this year? I've started in what I've proposed to do, I don't wish to stop or ... play my school out. I really wish to graduate with all my 23 babies.

Lord, please, shine Your Light that I may know which are the correct steps to take. Through all things, trials and pains, may Your Name be glorified still. Please give me the supernatural strength that I need. And please continue to help me to keep my heart soft, especially towards people.

In Jesus Christ's Name, I pray. Amen.

Love,
Jesselyn

The New Year

2007-01-08T07:10:00.000+08:00

has been a good start so far.

Better than I've expected.

Year end was family time. Josh took his block leave the last few days of 2006. We went for a chalet at Changi Village. The children had lots of water fun! We had a pleasant surprise too. Zoe was delighted that we planned to spend her birthday weekend away!

School started swiftly. Almost dragged myself to school, but still gotta brace myself up for the new class, new premise and new challenges. So far so smooth in school.

Will hope to write more, gotta go now ..

Jess

Christmas 2006

2006-12-23T17:19:00.000+08:00

" Tis the season to be jolly,

Fa la la la la

la la la la "

I wish with all my heart it is really a season to be jolly afterall.

In the midst of so called celebrating Christmas, there is always a nagging question:

After this year (which is ending pretty fast, btw), what will tomorrow hold in 2007 ?

Still, whatever have been planned in advance, I will carry them out. None of these plans will come to nought because certain things may not remain as status quo in the coming year.

I still ....

bring the children to Adeline's Garage every week. It is their weekly treat. It will remain so. It is costly definitely. But it is worth it. Adeline is such an effective facilitator in social play.

I still ....

opened my house for staff's Christmas celebration last Thursday. I thought of asking my dear colleague to open her house instead as I might not be up to it to be ready to receive so many guests in my humble abode.

I am very glad to host this celebration. I can tell that all the teachers enjoyed themselves at my place. They are mostly mums, so they do understand why it was better to host the get together at my place for the sake of my special children.

They are also understanding and gracious, esp some of them are staying rather out of the way from Jurong East St 32. On top of that, they washed the cups and such, packed the toys etc. That I think was very thoughtful and that helped a lot as I have another group of guests to receive that same evening.

Topic of the day was ...... breasts !! Of all topics?? Oh well, oh my. Let them be lah. I was conferred with a new title .... "bouncer" ..... hahahaha .....

I still ....

had a simple appreciation dinner with my son's 2006 teachers. Only 3 of them could come as the 4th one was transferred to another centre. I had to keep it to this mini sized group. As we were eating, I was hoping in my heart that it will not be a farewell.

I sincerely pray and hope that things will work out next year.

I am very blessed to see that they love Zane very much. Zane loves the alphabet toy they bought for him. He wanted to rip the box immediately after his teachers left. He wanted to lug this newest ABC collection to his bed too. And I believe if possible, bring it to school the following day.

One of his teachers commented that my house is like a school. That I agree. And that Zane has many many many toys and books. That is also true. Josh and I are never stingy with the children over books.

Hee .... hey, I can run a play school in my house you know? Kekeke .....
Is that legal btw? Hmmmmm ......

I still ....

let Zane go to school for his school's Christmas Party, though I know it would be confusing making him go to school in party clothes and not his uniform. True enough, he whined all the way. However, the moment he saw his teacher, he was smiling. Teacher called him "handsome" and I think he understood, coz he grinned.

As I left for school with Zoe, I sure hoped he would survive the day and hopefully his new teachers survived too.

I still ....

met my good, old church friends over lunch. It was brief but good.

I still ....

went back to school almost every day last week to clear some stuffs. Well, it was neccesary. Too bad the shifting couldn't commence yet due to camps after camps. We are seen as invading that space. Oh well ....

I still ....

get Christmas gifts for very dear ones whom I wanna appreciate. Spent almost $200 on accessories for 5 very special ladies in my life. That is almost my whole Christmas shopping budget, hehehe ..... the rest will cut back, or cut off.... no choice lah.... kekeke ....

It is good to be new kid in the block in church, that also means no need to get gifts for church leaders and friends or friends' children. Yeah! Oops ....

I still ....

attended the Glowing Seed Review. I was glad that I was up to it. I was very tired from all the sleepless nights since 14 Dec. And my mind wasn't as sharp as it should be.

I still .....

went about doing my daily duties as a mother and wife.

I have yet to .....

write my new lesson plans for Jan 2007.

Next week lah ... I'm very tired.

I've more urgent things to attend to. Many phone calls to make. Many things to finalise before the term starts.

My students will definitely see me on Jan 3. And ... Zoe Ng is going to be one of my new kids on the block, yeah. She will be with me all the time, from sunrise to sunset, except the 2 afternoons when I have to bring Zane to AAS for therapy sessions.

Zoe is the most delighted over such an arrangement. Smiles. She is a joy and a comfort to have. She will always say "I love you, Mummy!" with hugs and kisses every now and then each day to cheer me on. She is forever my sunshine girl, especially when the skies are grey. Thank God for you, Zoe girl!

Love,
Jesselyn Ng

tired .... but .....

2006-12-19T07:12:00.000+08:00

am feeling very tired.

in all senses.

in all areas.

BUT .....

I will walk on.

I HAVE to walk on.

"I lift up mine eyes unto the hills,

from whence cometh my help.

My help cometh from the Lord,

which made heaven and earth.

He will not suffer my foot to be moved;

He that keepeth me will not slumber.

Behold, He that keepeth IsRael

shall neither slumber nor sleep.

The Lord is my keeper:

The Lord is my shade upon my right hand.

The sun shall not smite me by day,

nor the moon by night.

The Lord shall preserve me from all evil:

He shall preserve my soul.

The Lord shall preserve my going out

and my coming in from this time forth,

and even forevermore."

Amen.

Psalm 121

we need wisdom, we need power ...

2006-12-16T08:08:00.000+08:00

..... and true love for each other.

We have had so many big but empty words.

So, we come before Your Face,

Asking for Your Grace,

Bring Your People to a state of Kingdom life.

Restore Your Church again.

Touch Your People once again,

With Your precious Holy Hands, we pray.

Let Your kingdom shine above the earth,

Through a living glorious Church.

Not for temporary needs,

But to restore authority and power.

May a mighty rushing Wind blows in.

Touch Your People once again.

Lord, You see Your tired servants,

The broken-wounded soldiers,

Oh, how much, we need Your precious healing Hands.

So, we come before Your Face,

Asking for Your Grace,

Bring Your People to a state of kingdom life.

Restore Your Church again.

rejection after rejection .....

2006-12-15T09:11:00.000+08:00

......... from so called
..........C_______ organisations.

Zoe started preschool in 2004 Jan.

On 8th Jan, I received a call from her Principal.
Purpose : To take Zoe out of her school and let her stay at home with me.

3 years later .....

Zane started Nursery Class on 4 Dec.

On 14 Dec, his Principal spoke with me.
Purpose : Guess you can guess.

What am I going to do?

God help us. Please helpppppp.... don't reject us like men do too!

I cannot don't work. I need the income to finance his twice weekly therapy costs.
Furthermore, I've commited to 2007 teaching. I can't back out now.

Frustrated, angry and disappointed Jess

P/S:
God, how can Your people or Your organisations which bear Your Name, give thanks to Your Name, etc.... do this to me??? Not once, but twice??? Thankfully, I only have two children.
In Your mercy and grace, no more 3rd/4th ones for us please, I am not a rejection-taker expert.

A-no-specific-blog-title-post

2006-12-13T18:29:00.000+08:00

Today was a good day. Had a very fabulous time catching up with a very dear friend and her lovely children. It is always relaxing to be at her place. Zane was superbly cooperative. He was very diligent, purposely and focused. He tasked himself with many different assignments and projects. And he busied himself the whole 5 hours. This is one friend whom I always wish we stay nearer to each other.

This friend noted that I did not update on Zoe's Garage @Venture's Birthday Party in my blog. Hee..... I guess when it comes to blogging, I just plonked my emotions via the keyboard more than events journaling.

I am more of a spirit-soul-body person when it comes to sharing about myself using the cyber space as a medium.

Spirit meaning the spiritual things which I hold very dear to my heart. After all these years as a Christian, I am thankful for the Grace of God. He picked me up at a tender yet dark age of 16. I am very thankful that I know the Lord early, just before I wrecked my life further. I am most sensitive to things which happen and bear meanings in the spiritual sense.

Eg: Just last week, I smsed hubby and a few dear friends what I witnessed when I stood in my living room. The part where the dining hall's windows is? It was raining cats and dogs. But, the part of the sky which the TV area's windows is? It was sunny and cloudy! To me, this has a spiritual meaning. In my very down and earthly moment, the Lord showed me this phenomenon to encourage me on.

"I hold EVERYTHING in My Hands. Even the clouds, rain and wind listen to My command. One side of your life may be very stormy now, but you will always have the sunny side which you see on your right at the same time too. Because you have Me. And I am here with you."

I've not told hubby or my dear friends, that moment I cried with gratitude.

Without Him, I would not have lasted so long in my journey with Zane.

Thank You, Lord.

Soul meaning the things and events which strike cords in my heart strings. Think I need not elaborate much on this. I think most of us are emotional beings and whatever happen around us do have some impact on us.

Body meaning just relating the events. In short, whatever happen outwardly. Where? What? How? ...... etc ..... can be just plain documenting at times.

This is why, many a times, you read the spirit-soul sharing first ..... I may get to the body sharing only when I feel like it and maybe, just wanna update, or write something.

Thanks for reading.

Love you all!

Jesselyn Ng

A Week Has Passed ....

2006-12-10T09:59:00.000+08:00

Today is Sunday. Josh is attending church with Zoe. I've attended the church's Saturday service yesterday. Staying in Jurong also means I basically need an hour (minimum) to travel to another part of Singapore. If I am to go to church by train, I must leave the house by 4pm.

To my few friends who stay near to town, do continue to give thanks that it is really more convenient to be "central". *smiles*

@ Lynn, every ladies' night, I am ALWAYS the last one among us to reach home. Hailing a cab from town at that hour is also time consuming, not to say expensive. Like all of you had said, if ladies' night is ever held at Jurong Point, no one will come, hahaha ..... is Jurong that 'ulu', btw? Kekeke .....

The 3rd week of holiday was a work week.

I went back to school 4 days in a row. Churning and churning.... and not completely done yet.

Zoe sat in the children's camp for a few morning sessions. It was wonderful for her as she got to sit under the mentorship of her favourite teacher, Mrs Poh. She sure enjoyed the attention and tender loving care. (so unlike mummy, who can be overly strict with her at times.)

Zane had quite a boring week, so as to speak, hee. By evening time, mummy's battery's flat already lah. Bringing Zane out has been tiring. He floors a lot. He is loud. He is unwavering. So, there are a lot of battles each time. I do warn his teachers about going for walks around the neighbourhood. Recently, whenever we do not go by the routes he has in mind, he floors. He is bigger and stronger now, so, it is kinda difficult to restrain him. When he was physically smaller, we could still whip him up with both arms and carry him back home or to class, by force. Now, Zane is strong enough to throw us ladies over.

Whenever he acts up, at the back of my mind, I do think, "What if when he is 10, 15 or even 20, he is still like that?". "Lock him at home 24/7?". Honestly, I dare not think. I just do whatever I can NOW.

I've learnt to be thick-skinned and I am learning to be vocal and expressive. Think my closer friends will know what I mean. So, dear friends, please don't feel too embarrassed by me, if you ever have the chance to see ME ACT UP in public when we are out together with all our kiddos.

So far, the word "special" is still a very harsh word for me to swallow. I hope the day will come when I use this word with pride and it has become a really beautiful word to me.

As for now, every hurt inflicted on my special child and I, either by people I know, or from strangers, every week, I must lay them at the feet of Jesus. I must ask the Lord to lift them from my heart. I must walk on bravely. I will continue to be my special child's advocate.

God, please give me love and grace.
Love for the people who know not what they are saying or doing.
Grace to forgive them.

Hurting Jess

Today is Zane's Day !

2006-12-01T15:28:00.000+08:00

Finally, Zane is napping.

Zoe isn't bugging me for her pc turn yet, so, I still can rot here. Ha .....

Today is the designated day to bring Zane to the Zoo.

Usually, Zane only has one agenda when he visits the Zoo.
That is : Water Pool !

Today's weather is fantastic! It only rained when we were on our way home in a taxi.

It was a challenging day still.

Bringing Zane out (along with Zoe) has always been very challenging for me. It needs lots of mental preparation. I need four eyes and four hands preferably.

We waited almost 45 minutes for a cab in the morning!

Tough luck.

Somehow, people are feeling richer when it is year end.
Sooooooooooooooo many working people waiting for taxis?
And a few even "snatched" cabs from us, ie. "cut" our queue by standing ten metres ahead of us.

Nevermind, I have time.

We took a feeder bus to interchange to get a cab.

When we finally got one, the taxi driver told Zane off for making noise. He said his babbling was causing his ears to hurt and he couldn't stand it. If we were not along an Expressway, I would have ask him to pull over and we would hail another cab.

I retorted in Mandarin : (as cool as I can, so as not to sound offended)

This boy has autism.

His loud noises are not within his control.

He is just being excited that he is going to the Zoo.

If he is a normal child, he will be quiet the moment I tell him to.

But he is not normal.

Brave of me? Yes.
And ..... it is painful. Though those are just 5 simple sentences.

The rest of the ride, I didn't even look in front.

"Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry!" ..... he replied ..... silence from him all the way ....

Still, I told him to keep the change for the fare, as he would have to leave the Zoo without passengers.

I must be more prepared for such encounters.

The public needs to be educated about autism. At least being informed will help them a bit. And of course, hopefully helps my son.

Zane threw a few tantrums here and there. As expected. And I was firm.

As usual. No means no. Drag and go. He want to floor, he can. Since he is stronger than I when he wants to floor. But, he will still have to get up and move on.

I am not buying pizza for him when I know he will only eat the pineapples.

I am not buying Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream for him, when I have a tub of ice cream sitting in my freezer.

That's final.

Ha .....

To and fro the Zoo will cost a fair bit in the taxi fares. So, I will have to cut down on frills. Breakfast and lunch were packed from he2 li4 and Prima Deli. That was just $8.

It was a good trip.

Zane wasn't afraid of taking the choo choo train. That is a consolation. And an achievement for Zane.

Zoe was disappointed that she couldn't have the pony and elephant rides. Not today, my princess. Maybe the next time when Daddy comes along.

The Zoo is very pleasant now. I appreciate the new landscape.

Love,
Jesselyn

zoo .... zoo .... zoo .....

2006-11-30T17:14:00.000+08:00

Monday .... zoo

Thursday .... zoo

Friday ..... zoo again !!

Hee ...

Monday ... with two friends and four of their children. The children's names all start with letter "A". :). Every child got to do what they hoped to do at the zoo, saw the animals they hoped to see. Well ... almost. Zoe had to do away with the elephant show, due to its timing.

Thursday ... with a student and his mum. Mrs Toh's name is also Jeslyn. Her Chinese name is also a double single word. With Jerome, we covered almost the whole zoo. Wow, my first time in fact. My family's zoo trip is usually : tram ride, playground, water pool, tram ride, home ... hahaha ..... we go to the zoo not to see the animals actually.

Friday .... which is tomorrow. May go to the zoo again. This time, it will be Zane's call, which means ..... water playyyyyyyyyyyyyy !!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, we've just renewed our membership. Must make full use of it, esp during the weekdays school holidays. Yeah !

Work ??? Errr .... wait .... My children come first this week! Yeah !!

Love,
Jess

Time to Declutter too

2006-11-29T07:50:00.000+08:00

Read in Delci's friend's blog about decluttering.

This will be a new term for me to use, in replace of spring cleaning, hahaha ....

Well, to spring clean means to keep the house sparkling clean, which to me, is not possible yet.

Some of my colleagues said their homes are decorated with many ornaments and such, one even said her home is full of glass furnitures and displays (which need a fair bit of maintainence). I can only hear and drool.

Those of you who had been to my humble abode. Remember my white cabinet at the TV area? Remember the glass panels? I had 4 of them. Now, only 3 are left. All thanks to Zane. He was too forceful when he opened the panels. Sigh. So, one fine day, one panel came crushing down on the floor and very thankfully, missed Zane. He ducked really fast and my heart stopped beating for seconds.

I've only cleared Zane's old school uniforms. Zoe's next. Should I just throw them? Hmmmm ......

Next in mind should be the clothes which can't fit Zoe and Zane anymore.

Followed by my own clothes.

Study room is a mess too. And the thought of tidying up leaves me exhausted. It will be massive. I've to file the K1 stuffs I'd created over the year. Preparing for K2 stuffs for next year. The crafts' stuffs alone is a headache. I must be daring enough, to just discard the old stuff. Arrgghhhhhh !!! The down side of being a preschool teacher.

Zoe's Kindergarten stuffs? That will need one box at least.

Zane's pre-nursery stuffs? Another box, I guess.

But .... I'm not too keen in keeping the LC craft work their teachers did with them.

My students' fees are the lowest of the three schools and yet the quality of the crafts they brought home is of the highest standards and impressive. I do feel my very own children being short changed. Sigh ..... IF only I am their teacher in school too. In homeschooling setting, definitely possible, but I also want the social dynamics for them.

It is different when I duplicate what I did in school with my students, with Zoe. The fun element and learning together synergy just aren't there. It may purely be a stand alone art and craft session with mummy. Plus, not much pride will be attached to the finished products. She can't bring it home to show her mummy, just like my students, right? But, she always enthuastically brought back her paper plates or toilet rolls crafts from school and exclaimed without fail, "Look, Mummy! I made this!!!! Look!!!"

Gotta end here. Both children are up and getting them ready to leave the house.

Till the next posting.

Love,
Jesselyn Ng

Happy Feet

2006-11-29T06:31:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was ROM Anniversary Day. Josh decided to take the whole day leave instead.

We went to Vivo City in the morning, to catch 10.20am Happy Feet's screening. We reached there at 10.20am, so what do you think? It was a comical sight seeing father and son running to the cinema via escalators. We got 4 seats, at the second row. Not too bad. I thought we would be very near.

The story line was fantastic. It struck a chord in me because my Zane is also a special child. A child different from all his peers. All his peers are speaking (as in singing in the show) and he is flapping (as in tapping his feet). I cried a lot throughout the show.

It is a show worth watching definitely.

Zane was laughing at the penguins at the beginning of the show. He was very amused over their dance moves. He lost interest after an hour. Josh had to take him out before the show ended. As usual, I had to tell Josh the ending of the story.

Afternoon was Garage treat for them while we find a place for our lunch. Went to Cedele @ Wheelock, Level 2 which Lynn recommended. Nice place. We had great service. I requested for a quiet corner as this being our anniversary day. The waiter graciously gave us his last 4-seater window seats. I wrote a compliment for him in the feedback form. Hee ... my usual practice when I received good service and for people who go the extra mile.

Evening time was just resting and lazing around the house.

Today is a day out with Zane, will try to stretch it as far as I can, hee ..... Sorry Zoe, it is Zane's turn to have mummy all to himself, even though the beginning part is to go to AAS for an OT assessment.

Love,
Jess

a great day at the zoo

2006-11-27T20:33:00.000+08:00

with long time friends .... and our growing children.

I met up with two very dear friends and their children.

When we first knew one another and met up, our first borns were barely one year old. At least for Zoe, she was just 6-9 months old.

We watched one another pregnant and bore another child. It was interesting seeing our children growing from play date to play date. Each holiday we meet, the children grow a bit taller and a bit more matured.

These two ladies are friends for keeps.

All our children played very well together. I am thankful for this. I am happy for Zoe that she can have good and very sensible friends to play with. The mums have brought up their children very well indeed. I can't say the same for all my friends' children.

I am still the same. I am still highly selective over whom my children should play with and at times, who are the mums I want to mix with.

With these two ladies, the bond of friendships between us are definitely strong and ..... will grow stronger.

Yeah !!

Thank you, Lynn and Nurul, for a most wonderful day at the Zoo. Love you both! Love your children dearly too!

Let's try to meet again over the holidays. Before you both start another new phase of schooling with your first borns.

Love,
Jesselyn NG

Planning the second week of the holidays

2006-11-26T10:33:00.000+08:00

This week will be Week Two.

Planned for Zane to go to school on just two days in the week.

Zoe is going to have her designated play dates with her long time friends and having fun together like during any other school holidays. Zoe has these groups of friends whom she will only meet during the school holidays. A lot depends on the mums, I guess. School holidays are more relaxing and easier to plan for play dates. We can arrange them during the weekdays and do not have to worry that the following days are school days. Some times play dates can be more fun than school days, hee ....

Zane will be having an Occupational Therapy Assessment at AAS on Wednesday. Sure pray that he will be cooperative. Ok, there will go another round of 1000s of questions to answer, be it verbally or in written form.

Somehow, there is much peace after confirming AAS. Thank God for His divine intervention and providence. AAS is further than Fei Yue, no doubt. But still, I thank God for His plan for Zane in 2007. May God grant me strength to attend the sessions with Zane twice weekly. May God grant Zane strength and stamina to last through the almost 3 hrs sessions each time. That will mean I can only do my school work after the children are in dream land. May God grant me extra strength too.

Next year, the burdens will be heavier and there are more hats to wear within the same day. May God grant wisdom, understanding and peace. Amen .

Love,
Jess

Week One of the School Holidays

2006-11-21T07:40:00.000+08:00

School holidays officially started.

By right, I should be going back to school for housekeeping and curriculum planning purposes.

By left, I don't think those are first things I want to do first days of my holiday.

Yesterday, went to CSC with Ong and Choo. Ong suggested this swimming activity (without our littles preferred and absence of good friends of course) and we dragged Choo along. She was sporting, but not Xu. Nevertheless, Xu met us for lunch at West Mall at 12+.

It was an easy breezy day. No stress, no hurry, no specific agenda.

By 3+, I picked up both Zoe and Zane. Zane was very happy and cooperative in school, though he knows that mummy and sister are already having holidays. Zoe, of course, loves to go to grandparents' place as she can get pampered and undivided attention from my in laws. It is wonderful seeing grandchildren and grandparents loving one another. This relationship is not definite for every child who has a grandparent. Zoe and Zane are blessed, all their grands love them and give in to their whims and fancies.

Too tired to go out at night. I think i plonked into bed before 9pm.

I know Josh had a bad day at office. He didn't say much over dinner. And then retired to read the papers, so, I didn't probe too.

May the Lord's favour be with us. Amen.

It is another new day.

Zoe's going to have fun today! As for Zane, his turn's on Friday.

Anyone wanna babysit Zoe, so that I can bring Zane out one to one? Hee .....

Love,
Jesselyn

Holidays Begin Now .....

2006-11-19T01:05:00.000+08:00

Had School Orientation this morning.

Staff Lunch this afternoon.

Staff Fellowship (impromtu) after lunch.

Cleared the charts in my classroom with Mrs Choo till 4pm.

Went to Grace Assembly at Tanglin for their 5pm service.

Hopped into the car at 6.45pm.

Josh brought us to Hans @ Great Eastern for dinner.

Stayed till 9.30pm.

It was good to talk things out and to gets things off my chest and mind, firstly to my colleagues and Principal, secondly, to my hubby.

God is good, all the time. And all the time, God is good !

Thank God for His Word.

He is still ......... THE BEST !

Let me digest the sermon notes now, before I grow a bit older by next week and forgets the details of the sermon. hee .....

* mugging in process, do not disturb **

Hee ....

Night !!

Love,
Jesselyn Ng

A peek into my teaching life

2006-11-17T23:52:00.000+08:00

The past many weeks, I've been so busy at work.
I still write, but to the parents of my students.
Posting the letters here, for you to take a peek into my teaching world.
I am so glad I can rest and recharge.

.....................................

Letter One:

Term Four Theme :

The Food Pyramid

Dear Parents,

Your child’s work on this term’s theme will be separated from his / her weekly worksheets.

Please file your child’s work, recipes, art and craft etc into a folder or big box. Your child has been putting in lots of effort for each and every assignment given to him/ her so far, so we would appreciate if you could take time to help your child organize his/ her completed work. This is to encourage your child in the area of learning especially when he / she gets to see that not only his/ her teachers value his / her work, his/ her parents and caregivers value his / her work too.

Thank you for your active involvement.

These two weeks, we have covered the sub-topic “Carbohydrates”.

We had great fun making the French toast yesterday. Special thanks to Miss Ong, our chef and to Xu Lao Shi, our assistant chef. (Er, Mrs Ng was the factory worker.) Your child is looking forward to making French toast with you!

Our Carbohydrates’ diet week was also a great success. Thank you for preparing the food or snack for your child to bring to school the last two weeks.

We will be moving on to the next sub-topic “Vitamins and Minerals”. We will focus mainly on vegetables and fruits. More projects are coming our way, stay tune! J May God bless your weekend !

Yours truly,
Miss Ong and Mrs Ng
K1 Class Teachers
22 September 2006
Friday

......................................................

Letter Two :

Dear parents,

Theme on Food

I’m very glad that this final term of the year has been a very enriching learning experience for both your child and I. It is Galilee Kindergarten’s first attempt in covering one theme for one whole term.

“Food” is a very broad topic. By the Grace of God, Miss Ong and I were able to map out a very comprehensive and exhaustive curriculum, which includes art and craft, recipes, projects, field trip, food tasting and challenging activity sheets.

From the mouths of all your babes, I got to know that many of you do look into our request of compiling your child’s work in a box or a drawer. Thank you for taking time and effort to show your child that you value his/ her class work very much. I really appreciate the follow up from your part. I can see that your child is also very happy that you are interested in what he/ she has been learning in school.

Parents’ support and help
I want to take this opportunity to thank many of you for your active involvement in all the class and school activities this term. Without all your valuable help, we teachers won’t be able to carry out all that had been planned for your children. Miss Ong and I have 55 children under our wings, we can’t imagine stapling 60X7 booklets or assemble 60 boxes all on our own. We would have to camp in our classrooms or burn many late nights if we were to do all the preparation work on our own.

a. Food Pyramid Box Project
Thank you Mrs Shannigrahi, Miss Chin, Miss Ana and Mrs Ng (from K1A) for taking precious time on Monday (6 Nov) morning to assemble the boxes for the Food Pyramid Project.

Thank you, Mr Kuek for graciously providing the 60 boxes and cardboards. Thank you very much. Without your help, this box project won’t be possible.

Thank you Mr and Mrs Loh, Mr and Mrs Raymond Tan, Mrs Ang, Mrs Chan, Mrs Ng (from K1A) and Miss Chin for preparing the zig-zag food booklets last weekend.

b. Tanglin Mall Marketplace
Thank you Mrs Joyce Tan and Mrs Toh for helping our class in the field trip. With your help, we could ensure that the children were safe and the activities were carried out smoothly.

c. Galilee Café
Thank you Mrs Shannigrahi, Mrs Goel, Mrs Lynette Tan and Mrs Tan (Patson’s mum) for helping us at the café’s stalls on 17 October, Tuesday. You ladies even prepared the food and drinks! By the way, the teachers did break even from the sales of the food and drinks. This, we must thank all you supportive parents out there for allowing your children to come to school with $1 worth of coins that morning! *grins. So .... is your child a spender or a saver? Heehee ..... J

Special thanks to Miss Chin, our photographer for every class and school activity. The complementary photos which you have been seeing were all taken by Miss Chin. She had spent many hours taking the photos (at times, for the full 3 hours per activity, she was with me.).

d. Organic Food Facts
Special thanks to the ten parents who cut out this Sunday Times Special Report (1 October) for your children. Your contribution has enabled me to have enough colour pictures for every child in our class. We had spent much time discussing the organic food facts in the newspaper report. I have condensed the discussion into 20 “mini” facts. Each child would have pasted around 5 of such facts into his/ her work. Please read through them with your child.

I can’t thank all of you enough. All of you are great partners with me in this journey of nurturing your children into wholesome, confident, happy and positive children.

Last but not least, may your family have a wonderful holiday.
May God bless your family bountifully. Amen.

Yours sincerely,
Mrs Jesselyn Ng
K1B Class Teacher
10 November 2006, Friday

...........................................

Letter Three :

Dear Parents,

Theme : Food Pyramid

Our Grand Finale
13th to 16th November 2006

First of all, thank you for taking time to prepare the health food for your children to bring to school over the last four days.

Let me share with you what the children had brought and some of the actual conversations which went on in the class and during the feasting sessions.

Here goes .....

A Journal of Mrs Jesselyn Ng :

Yippee !!! No more formal worksheets for the class. No more marking for me!

Hmmmm ....... What are we going to do this week?

Bring health food to the class. Talk about it. Look at it. Eat it!

Angela, Shivika and Shermaine brought apples on three separate days. Angela, thank you for bringing your apples in slices. They definitely looked very appetizing. I want to thank auntie for helping me to cut the other apples. I can’t be in the kitchen and serving the children food at the same time.

By the third round of having apples in a week (Law of Diminishing Marginal Returns kicked in already), I have to cajole the children to finish the last ten slices of apples.

Mrs Ng : “Apples for sale! Only 5 cents per slice!” (a few customers “bought” the apple slices)

Mrs Ng : “Apples for sale again! Special offer! 1 cent per slice!” (hee, sold out within a minute! Yeah!)

Celine, Hwee Qee, Cheyenne, Zecary and Zoë (my daughter) started to chorus this phase among themselves with lots of chuckles and giggles....
“Mrs Ng for sale! Hahahahaha .....”

Mrs Ng : “Hey! Mrs Ng is not for sale!”

Ok, at least the children did not give me a price tag.
*grins.

Wen Bin brought star fruit. It was sweet and sour at the same time. Those children who love star fruit kept coming back for more and those who don’t fancy it had a hard time trying to swallow their first bites. If you get to see those “sourish” expressions on those faces, I believe you will laugh. Hee .... I did, but I still have to put on a straight face and strongly encouraged them to make sure the first bites went in. (For hygiene purpose besides for health reason.)

Most of the children love the grapes and bananas Celine and Ben brought respectively. These were sold out items.

Mr and Mrs Kuek prepared and transported twenty Chinese pears to school on Tuesday morning. Thank you so much for your generosity! The children were very happy that they could each bring a pear home. Some even smelled the pears before placing them into their bags.

Mrs Ng : "Xin Hui, thank you for the twenty pears. It should be 22. How about me? How about Xu Lao Shi?" (Just Kidding.)

Xin Hui : "Oh, we only have twenty children in our class."

Ok, Xin Hui’s concept on size is excellent. The teachers are not small. Therefore, we are not entitled to the pears.

Mr and Mrs Kuek, I was just pulling Xin Hui’s leg. At this age of five, it can be very fun when we see the children’s reactions and hear their candid responses when we have the opportunities to tease them.

The sweet corn which Reuel brought was a great hit too. Many children came back for more helpings. Special thanks to Mr and Mrs Ang for packing bowls and spoons for the children.

At 11.20am, Reuel said : “Mrs Ng, where are my sweet corn container, bowls and spoons?”

Mrs Ng : "They are still in the kitchen sink. If you want it back, I can only get to wash them after you go home. I’ll return them to you tomorrow."

Reuel : "But .... I want to bring them home today. Can I go to the kitchen and ask auntie for them. I think my mummy can wash. No problem."

Mrs Ng : "Are you sure?"

Reuel : "Yes. I will be extra careful, Mrs Ng."

(Now, this boy is rather matured and reliable. He follows instructions rather well too. Reuel came back after five minutes.)

Reuel : "Mrs Ng, auntie washed them for me already. Yeah!" (broad smiles and a satisfied look)

In the end, guess what happened? Reuel left the whole bag in class after going through all the trouble! Hee hee ..... When I saw the bag in the class after dismissing the children, I went, “Oh well, the process of retrieving the items was fun at least.” *wink

Elizabeth brought organic corn cakes and Jerome brought organic crispy rice bars. Mrs Tan and Mrs Toh, did you both go shopping together? Thank you for sourcing for these organic foods. The children also realize that healthy food also means less tasty food.

They finished the corn cakes even though it was plain because they know that these are good for them.

As for the rice bars, the children were blessed by Mrs Toh’s generosity. Each child could bring a bar home. And .... How come the children know that the bars came in different flavours? As usual, there will be some fussy ones who took very long to decide which flavour they fancy.

Mrs Ng : "School vans are waiting. Your helpers, grandmas, mummies and daddies are waiting downstairs. Hurry up. Choose and go. Com’on .... (hee) "

Cheyenne brought oatmeal biscuits. It was a hot favourite. Maybe this was because Cheyenne did a very convincing presentation that these biscuits are superb for health as they are very rich in nutrients. Well done, Cheyenne! That really encouraged your classmates to choose to eat a healthier type of biscuits whenever they can.

These children, though young they may be, they can give me diplomatically correct answers!

“It is not good for us to eat junk food and titbits.”

“For biscuits, whole meal or oatmeal biscuits are healthier than chocolate biscuits.”

“But ..... We still can eat chocolate biscuits.”

“Ya, we can! But, once in a while.”

“And ..... Maybe just a few pieces will do.”

I was like, “Hello? Did I hear wrongly?”

I want to specially thank the mums who prepared the macaroni (Anish), egg and cheese sandwiches with cucumbers in them (Zhi Hong), butter and sugar sandwiches (Patson), oatmeal bread sandwiches (Zecary), noodles (Hwee Qee) and quail egg, sausage and grape kebabs (Kimberley).

Kimberley : “Quail eggs have proteins in them. However, we cannot eat too many of them each time. Maybe five quail eggs will do. As for the sausages, my mummy did not fry them. She also did not add any salt or oil. So, it is healthier. Grapes give us vitamins, please eat.”

This interesting activity will not be possible without your involvement. Once again, thank you for taking time. I appreciate all your effort and love for the children.

I’ve taught the children how to look out for the Nutritional Facts Tables behind every food box. They are keen to know more about these tables. Please take time to read the labels to them whenever you have the chance to show them such tables.

I have this sample which I cut out from my son’s honey stars (cereal) box :

Have a most wonderful holiday!

Love,
Mrs Jesselyn Ng
15 November 2006
Friday

my last day of school today

2006-11-17T23:35:00.000+08:00

Over at my Just Mums' website, a very dear friend of mine posted about her last day of school and how she felt seeing her babies moving on to Primary Three. She had nurtured these babies for two years. I know exactly how she felt. I am also with my current class for two years. I love my babies a lot too. So much so that, I am like a third parent to them, coaching and training them in the way they should go.

Ask me if I will miss them this holiday? definitely!

Nurul, I know what you mean in your post in JM. In fact I almost cried too when you shared about your feelings during the "sent-off".

If I stay near your school, I will definitely register Zoe there and specifically request for you to teach her, because of very special grounds, which you are aware.

See you, next Monday!

Love,
Jess

worship ... it is the medicine for a broken heart ....

2006-11-11T22:57:00.000+08:00

Before the world began,
You were on His mind.
And every tear you cry,
Is precious in His eyes.
Because of His great love,
He gave His only Son.
Everything was done,
So you would come.

Nothing that you do,
Could make Him love you more.
And nothing that you've done,
Could make Him close the door.
Because of His great love,
He gave His only Son,
Everything was done,
So you would come.

Come to the Father,
Though your gift is small.
Broken hearts, broken lives,
He would take them all.
The power of His love,
The power of His might.
Everything was done,
So you would come.

100th Post for my blog

2006-11-10T15:43:00.000+08:00

what should I blog about?

what should I write?

ok, just this :

I am glad the year is coming to an end.

Looking forward to the holidays.

Last few weeks had been hectic, rough going, tense and upsetting, plus .... super challenging, till the point that I don't wanna talk and when I talk, I talk nonsense (anything but about those issues that are pressing hard on my shoulders).

The yoke is heavy, very heavy.

And I need a rest, a really good rest.

"Come to Jesus, come to Jesus, come to Jesus, right now.
Right now, come to Jesus, come to Jesus, right now."

Love,
Jesselyn

3am in the morning ?????!!!

2006-11-07T03:16:00.000+08:00

What on earth am I doing?

Work !!

and thinking about 2007 ......

Sighhhhhhhhhhhh ......

My body's aching for a rest, but my mind refuses to rest.

Haizzzzzzzzzzzz ...................

Zoe is so brave and I am so proud of her !

2006-10-30T06:03:00.000+08:00

Last week was a very challenging and draining week.

Despite the fact that Concert was just a week away, I had to pile up my work and attend to my little girl.

I am thankful the ordeal is over, her eye wound is healing well, she does not have to go for more rounds of treatment at Alexander Hospital after two rounds, except for a review on Wednesday.

I am so proud of Zoe. She has been so brave.

I will write more soon, not really in the mood for a long blog yet. Too worn out emotionally and physically.

I just want to say

"Thank You, Lord, for bringing us through.
Thank You for Your comforting Presence and Your divine healing.
Thank You for being with us."

Amen.

(To be continued ....)

Public Stares - A rant

2006-10-24T12:50:00.000+08:00

Think I can't take it very much longer, and this is a safe place to express some of this long-termed bottled up frustration, before I go nuts and declare that I myself need counselling.

Please bear with me if you wanna read this, or just simply ignore this posting.

I thought I had *this all in control.

This = ignoring public stares on my ASD child when he flies his "stunts"

But, when it happens EVERY time and MANY times each round, it eventually gets on my nerves.

One Sunday, I was at IMM alone with both kids.

Thankfully, got a four seater for all three of us in this supercrowded mall. So, instructed Zoe to stay put on her seat while I brought Zane to queue to get lunch.

Of course, I've to bring him along to queue, right? I was alone, and the only adult. Zoe won't be able to restraint Zane if he were to dash out of the eatery.

The queue moved very slowly as those before us had 1001 requests about how their food should be cooked. What can we expect next?

My ASD child got impatient. He is non verbal, so he stomped to show his frustration.

The hunk in front of us turned around and stared. Another hunk seated nearest to us turned around and stared too.

I told ds in audible volume (meant for the two hunks to hear), "Ds, I can't leave you at the seats with jie jie, you may run off to the playground on your own and jie jie won't be able to catch up with you. You queue with mummy to buy your favourite chicken rice."

** more wails, more stomping of feet from ds**

arrrrghhhhhhhh !!!!!!!

** more stares and irritated looks from the hunks, this time, from some babes.***

I lost my cool, stared real hard at both hunks simultaneously and said, "YESSSSSSSS ????? May I help you?? What is the stare for???"

I stopped short of saying "Rude A#@!"

Btw, hunks and babes = parents to normal kids

Thanks for hearing me out. It's PH today. I'm staying at home.

Frustrated Jess

4 more weeks

2006-10-20T14:09:00.000+08:00

oh no, oh dear! Only 4 weeks left for Term 4 and I have so many things I hope to do with the children. Plus PH and concert week? That left me with mere 3 weeks !! oh no, oh dear!

I can make it, I know I can.

This week (16th - 20th October 2006) was a very enjoyable week.

We had a Galilee Tuckshop (or some teachers like to call it Galilee Cafe) event planned out for the K1 and K2 children.

It took Choo, Ong and myself two months to plan this event. We discussed the skeleton before Term 3 holidays; when we had to do up the Term 4's syllabus. This event was made possible by making some changes to the K1 syllabus. Ong and I added in money concept for the curriculum. We tied this up together with our food theme and ...... ta-da, this cafe concept was birthed!

Each teacher took care of 1-2 stalls' preparation.

Each teacher sourced for different parents to help out in the pre-preparation work and actual day's running of the stalls.

I am so thankful to my class parents, they are all so supportive and willing to chip in.

Mrs Lynette Tan did everything for our hotdog kebahs' stall, from shopping to preparing to selling the kebahs. She is one amazing woman. I am glad that I've invited her to help us in this event. She was so comfortable in the kitchen as she is a church member, and thus familiar with the premise.

Mrs Tan (Patson's mum) swopped her off day with a colleague so that she could render her help.

Mrs Shannigrahi is always ever so willing to help us whenever we ask her.

Mrs Goel was all gamed though she stays very far from Galilee and Anish actually comes to school by bus. That day, she drove to Galilee, I reckon.

And of course, my ever faithful photographer, Miss Chin. From helping me to snap pictures of the show and tell's shelves, she is gradually roped in to help us in bigger school events like field trips and hands on activities. She is even willing to help us for the afternoon session's activities at times. In Chinese Language, we have a phase - zhen1 nan2 de2.

Miss Van came down to be the photographer for the afternoon session. That is so thoughtful of her. And I must say, she did a really good job for the event. The photos turned out very well. :) Thanks, Gwyneth !

Of course, not forgetting Mrs Phua, Zheng Lao Shi and Miss Tang who manned the afternoon session's stalls.

Thank You, Lord, I have been so so so so so blessed. Thank You for all these great mums, teachers and young lady!

******************

To be continued, getting my own children ready for their weekly Garage @Venture treat. Yeah! They can't wait! I can't too! I need a break!

*******************

ON 21 October, Saturday, I wrote:

The Tanglin Mall Market Place field trip was greenishly fruitful.. The children came back to school with a lot of vegetables and fruits.

I roped in Mrs Joyce Tan and Mrs Jeslyn Toh to help our class. Thank you, mums, for taking leave and even driving to school. Kimberley and Jerome were the most elated, I suppose.

Miss Chin graciously agreed to snap photos for both the morning and afternoon sessions. For Thursday, I brought Ben and Zoe for a walk around the whole Marketplace. It was also fun having just two "students" for that hour.

At Marketplace, the children were all excited. Well, the teacher too!

Much teaching had been done in class and the tour was a bliss. The children were all set to buy their own vegetables and fruits. Each child had $5 in his / her money bag. Honestly, all of them looked very adorable (with the bag hanging around their necks), you should be there to see their expressions and hear the mini conversations which went on among them. Too bad there is only one of me and one Chinese Teacher. If not, an even smaller groups' teaching concept would be more fruitful.

I am very grateful for the extra pairs of hands I had with me. Mrs Tan and Mrs Toh looked like me, mother hens to the little chicks! *grins* With their help, we could take the children to the public toilets in groups too. We were always doing head counting. We had to!

From what the children told their parents about the field trip and their attempts in penning their thoughts down onto a A4 size paper, I can tell that for every child, learning has taken place in different depths. Different child learns differently. Every child's expression was his/ her very own. I had a good time reading their completed work.

Of course, I displayed their work as originally as possible. Not too nice to see my red words on the board, I reckon. I am glad my students and parents love to see the whole class' work up on the display board. Why should I let their wonderful work sit in my classroom's in tray (due for marking) only?

This batch of K1 children's literacy journey (which started since 2005 when they were in Nursery) has been a rewarding one thus far. Much perserverance from the teachers is expected. The amount the time we devote to reading, word recognition, creative expression and literacy development (includes penmanship) is actually almost halve the total number of weekly formal teaching slots we English teachers have with them.

The children have come a long way. All the planning, typing, printing, laminating and teaching, plus many extra hours in school, late nights and burnt weekends are all worth it.

Yeah !

****************************

To be continued .....

****************************

Time : 8am

Jesselyn Ng

The lion in me

2006-10-19T07:06:00.000+08:00

Last Friday's devotion, I shared a verse with the staff.

Romans 12: 10

Be kindly affectionate one to another with brotherly love;
in honour, preferring one another.

I ended the sharing with the 5 animals' game.
It is to help the staff to know one another better, so that we can be more sensitive towards one another in our daily relations.

There are many ladies who kept the sheep.
Ong kept the horse.
Choo kept the cow.
And I .... kept the lion.

Hahhahaha ..... they all got a shock of course.

But it won't be too surprising. I plan and get things done. I ensure they are done. Even if I have to do the tasks alone (no assistant teachers mah), I will do them. I love to derive satisfaction from my work. It is a very intangible reward to me whenever I see the end products of any projects.

By God's moulding, this lion in me is rather tame now. At least I mind my own territory. When I was young, I used to be much more dynamic, and ahem, yes, you guessed it, dynamic is a nicer word to ....... (grins).

Love,
Jesselyn Ng

Here I am waiting

2006-10-17T05:45:00.000+08:00

Abide in me, I pray.

Here I am longing
For You.

Hide me in Your love,
Bring me to my knees.

May I know Jesus
More and more.

........................................................................

In any man-made santuary, if the Presence of God is there, that makes the whole santuary alive.

Yet, in the same presence, two self-professed believers standing side by side, one may feel the presence and the other not. It is the heart condition of the man, I believe.

I hardly cry. Not many things or people can make me cry.

Last Sunday, I cried. In His Presence, I did. I know He was in the santuary. That familiar presence and move. He is gentle. He is kind. He is love. His touch is comforting. His breath brings healing. Thank You, God.

..........................................................................

Come to His courts
With praise on our lips
Our hearts and our minds and our souls
Worship Him

Bow on our knees
Lift up our hands
Joining the angels above

Declaring holy, holy
Is the Lord God Almighty
Who was and is and is to come

Holy holy is the Lord God Almighty
Who was and is and is to come

Today's news 15 Oct 2006

2006-10-15T07:52:00.000+08:00

Just browsed through the Sunday Times, read the whole article on "Time-out" measures meted out by some overly harsh Kindergarten teachers.

Time-out in a dark room? Ridiculous. Why don't these teachers try being locked in a dark room themselves? Why do to little kids things you will never imagine someone doing to you or your very own littles (include any little children you do know)?

Boils down to .... anger management. This type of teachers need to attend such courses, or maybe just simply leave the preschool profession.

As a preschool educator myself, I can't stand hearing teachers shouting at children like a loud speaker, lest talk about harsh punishments. This is the main reason I will never consider placing my own children in the Kindergartens near my block. No way. It is so irritatting to little ears to hear adults shouting across the rooms for full three hours, or more if in a child care setting? Don't these teachers (shouters rather) feel tired? And at the end of the day, these teachers can justify their loudness by pushing the reasons to the naughtiness of the children.

Have these same teachers ever ask, why, just why, their students do not follow their instructions at first call when they tell them to do something using their speaking voices?
Have the same teachers ever reflect why?

Loudness doesn't mean authority.
Loudness doesn't gain respect from little children.
Loudness doesn't necessarily means you are a strict teacher and thus effective.

Loudness simply mean you do not respect the little ones you are talking to.

Loudness means you have a problem, not the children.

In teaching, volume of voice is important. The tone is also crucial. And the body language speaks loud. Btw, think we all know, eyes can kill too.

It is good that as educators, we do not become our students' nightmare. If we have reach that point, maybe we can consider taking a break from being a terrorist at our workplace.

Emotional trauma leaves deep and unresolved scars in little hearts.

Just Jess

I am

2006-10-13T18:46:00.000+08:00

dead tired

dead tired

dead tired

dead tired

dead tired

T G I F

changes .....

2006-10-10T06:59:00.000+08:00

We may not like changes.

We may resist changes at times.

We may resign to the unchanging fact that changes do come.

Maybe, we can be more prepared for them by preparing ourselves for them.

Maybe, changes may be good for us.

At times, if we are pro-active, we can even engineer the course of the changes.

Romans 8:28
" And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to His purpose."

I have done all I think I can do to facilitate and set the stage for the changes to come for my children. The rest is to trust the Lord. Or, should I say : The sole thing now is to trust the Lord.

Love,
Jesselyn Ng

Two "wow" moments over Zane

2006-10-09T17:07:00.000+08:00

Slowly and surely, Zane has been making progress in acquiring peer and sibling awareness skill.

I have never known that peer (or sibling) awareness does not come naturally for a special needs child (ASD for short) until I have one.

To an ASD child, another peer or sibling can be non existent. Meaning, he may not see the other child like himself, a person, or is someone he can interact with. An ASD child is very much in his own world most of the time.

Recent months, Zane has been having more eye contacts with Zoe and his classmates.

Let me share some incidents which caused me to "wow" over him the last few weeks.

1. His teacher, Mrs Chandra, related to me an incident in school.
Zane, on his own initiative, went up to a classmate, held that classmate's hands and jumped with joy. That classmate naturally joined him in the jumping happily. This was Zane's very first time initiating "play". Though it lasted for only a few seconds, I am glad that Mrs Chandra caught that kodak moment scene.

2. Usually, when 3 of us have to take a bus, if we can't get a long stretch of (sideway facing) seats, it will either be Zoe and Zane will sit together on a double seat and I'll stand next to them, or I'll sit with Zane and Zoe will sit on a separate seat. Just now, it was this latter arrangement.

To my surprise and pleasure, Zane turned back (our seats are back to back), held Zoe's hand and motioned to Zoe to come to the front and sit with us. Zoe politely declined Zane by saying, "I'm ok sitting by myself, Zane, don't worry." Zane persisted a second time, this time he tapped on Zoe's head. Hahaha ..... I had a hard time persuading Zane to give up, yeah !

I stroke Zane's head again and again, told him many times over, "Thank you for loving jie jie. Jie jie loves you too, Zane."

Love,
Jesselyn Ng

xiu1 xi4 shi4 yao4 zou3 geng4 chang2 de lu4

2006-10-07T09:18:00.000+08:00

Literal Translation :

Resting will enable you to walk a longer distance.

Ha ... what a lousy translation.

This is the beauty of the Chinese Language. It can be crisp and apt. The words of description are precise and at times, one phase or idiom can only be used to describe one SOLE meaning.

I always love the Chinese Language. Its complexity and beauty marvel me.

I am glad I had the chance to soak in the Chinese culture in a very Chee-na school, aka Nanyang Girls' High in my teenage years. I am glad I had the chance to study Chinese at a higher level, took up Chinese Literature and even interacted with very "pure" and traditional Chinese teachers.

I will forever remember the "qi3 li4, xing2 li3, zuo4 xia4" in NYGH. (translated : rise, bow, sit. A way we greet every teacher who walked in for the various subjects.) I appreciate this mannerism thingy only much later. Those days in NYGH, it was just a formality, a chore and at times I didn't even greet my teachers as respectfully as required (meaning while going through the greeting motion, I could be bending over my wooden desk and digging textbooks (or were those comic books or novels? can't remember.) out. Ha.)

Think, my dear friend and ex-classmate, Caroline, can identify with this school culture stuffs. hehehe ..... It is still amazing to me that Caroline, together with a few other 2/4 girls, we are still keeping in touch after so many years. God is good! I can only say it again and again. Because even before I knew Him, He brought me to a good school and met good girls, whom we became friends. He put me in a good school environment so that I won't grow astray. He put me a a safe environment so that I could discover my talents without distractions. Through NYGH, I grew slowly to know what I really want in life and .... what really matters ......

God is good! All the time! Amen.

Love,
Liao Zhen Zhen tong2 xue2 (a term I had been addressed by every Chinese teacher back then in my NYGH days)

Good when it is early ....

2006-10-03T06:42:00.000+08:00

" Early in the morning, I will praise Thee, O Lord.
I will arise and exalt Your Holy Name. "

There is just something very special about the few hours before the first rays of sunlight shoot out at the horizon. It will be darkness. It will be silent. It can even be tranquil.

This morning was one of those mornings I woke up successfully to complete my work. Yeah! It is quite something, you know? 8 out of 10 times, I would fail. :p

At 4am, my alarm rang. I snoozed it off. At 4.10am, it beeped again. At 4.30am, I finally dragged myself out of bed, I thought I might plonk back to bed after switching on my lap top. I thank God for His strength, His nudge, His Presence. This morning was one of the few mornings I did something which I dread joyfully. I broke it up into two parts. I had to, coz Zane was up at 5.30am!!! After settling Zane and packing his bed, I got back to pc to do my part two when Josh was up and fresh and able to take over minding Zane from me.

Father and son just stepped out. Zane always enjoys daddy bringing him to school. You should see the smile on his face when he knows that Daddy is sending him again, even that means no car ride. Somehow, children love the physical company of their parents. My son, though young he may be, though special he may be, he understands affection (thankfully) and he expresses his in his own special ways. My heart smiles seeing his love for daddy. :)

It is good to start the day early, not just for me. Also for Josh and for Zane.

Thank You, Lord.

Once again, "Good Morning, Lord God! Good Morning, Abba Father! Good Morning, Holy Spirit!"

Love overwhelmed,
Jesselyn Ng

stress building up ....

2006-10-02T12:05:00.000+08:00

I hope I can make it through the next 7 weeks in school.

Work seems to mount.

I know I created more work for myself. :)

But this is part and parcel of teaching, if we wanna bring the current curriculum to a greater height. The easy way out is of course to just duplicate what previous K1 teachers had done. But .... this is just too stifling for my colleague and I.

As I focus on the curriculum changes, I am glad in a way, my class' concert item is planned out already, with someone's help. It is obviously not what I want my class children to do for this year's concert. BUT I will go along. I won't wanna fight it through. I wanna keep the peace and harmony.

Maybe next year, I can fight for it right from the beginning. I hope I will get to do it. I just can't adopt someone's "baby" just like that. And, maybe, I dun have enough stamina, if I still wanna continue to do the curriculum changes for K2 in the year 2007 at the same time.

***********************

Zoe's preschool route is mapped out. I just need to submit the necessary documents to MOE. I've spoken to her new Principals-to-be. Both are understanding and accomodating. I am trusting God in helping Zoe to adjust to a new school and new teachers.

As for Zane, it is quite set that we will take up the Early Intervention Program by Fei Yue, rather than waiting for Autism Association of Singapore to give us a placement (and the social worker told me Zane is no. 17th in the wait list!!) I have no time to wait. Zane is already 4. It has to be these two years whereby we intensify his intervention programs. ABA is very expensive. And that will require me to be sahm again, plus, Zoe won't be at home most part of the day. Maybe in 2008, we can do that?

****************************

Money. A very pressing issue. I am literally asking God to drop money from heaven now. Fei Yue program may be steep due to the income means test. And we may have to drop Glowing Seed, which is very dear to Zane and we don't wish to, as we are seeing gradual improvements in Zane.

God, please help.

*********************************

As I look at the amount of school work waiting to be done, I also need prayer. It is no joke looking after Zoe and Zane alone. God, give me energy, focus and efficiency. I need to complete as many tasks as I can within a very short frame of time. Please help me.

Just Jess rumbling so as to unload some stress off her heart.
(very thankful that today is school holiday and I can catch a breather.)

children ... smart and need guidance ....

2006-09-26T17:44:00.000+08:00

If, in a school setting, a child is not encouraged to run around aimlessly or playfully, why is it in a church setting, in the house of God, the same child can take advantage and just runs and plays as he fancies?

If, in a school setting, a child is required to sit attentively and listen to the teacher presenting the lesson, why is it in a church setting, in the house of God, the same child can ignore his Sunday School teacher who is trying to lead the children in a time of praise and worship or tell a Bible story, and start walking around disobey all instructions given?

The teacher side of me can't stand such unruly children in the Sunday School. I corrected them, again and again. Of coz those children, though only six, can glare at me and mumble something under their breath. Let them be. It is for their own good. This same behaviour, if not corrected, will stay with them when they move on to Children's Church and even Teens Ministry.

Teachers too soft? Parents too blind or lazy? Children too disrespectful or mischievious?

I wonder. I really wonder.

Jess

another week has passed ....

2006-09-24T15:00:00.000+08:00

This is way too fast. Another week has passed. Without me realising, week 2 of Term 4 is over?! 8 more weeks to go, before my year end holidays! Yippee !!!

Teaching has been very exciting. We are taking the curriculum to a greater height. It is wonderful working with my co-partner, she likes fresh ideas too. The current Principal, is like the ex-Principal, she is very game for constructive developments in the school's curriculum. This makes the job scope wider and challenging. Boldly, we threw the old worksheets out of the windows. We are going to create new ones. We only targeted the Math and Thematic worksheets to be changed for this term. Still, the work volume seems massive, well, at least to me, who only gets to do school work when my children are asleep, or when hubby is watching them.

Can't blog much now. Zoe needs to do her weekend homework, learn her spelling and ting xie. And I have my lesson plans to write.

Till next post.

Love,
Jesselyn Ng

Zane's 4th Birthday !!

2006-09-20T16:39:00.000+08:00

My son turned 4 yesterday. I have been busy since Monday.

On his actual day, we had a very simple celebration with him.

In the morning, I packed cookies bags for his 23 classmates. While packing, Zane was hovering and eyeing each and every type of cookie. He made sure that he tried all the 4 types before he finally left me alone to do my packing. That was 6am in the morning, mind you. :P

Since I would be working in the morning, initially, I had wanted to celebrate his birthday in school with his classmates, with a cake, in the afternoon.

But ..... Josh called and said he would be taking half day leave for his son. Ok, so ..... sorry, little ones, no cake for the class as birthday boy won't be around. A bit orbit if I still send a cake in .... kekeke .... and no birthday boy in sight?

Before picking Zane from school, I picked up a fruit cake, goreng pisang, sardine and curry puffs for his teachers. I never know that the staff strength in Zane's childcare is 18. I made two separate trips to Polar @IMM and a Malay Stall near the market to pick up these items. It is my habit to ensure that the food is halal. :). Almost a quarter of the staff are Malay teachers. Good that Zane's b/d is before fasting month, hehehe ....

Zane was sleeeeeeeeeeeepppppppyyyyyyyyyyyyyy , hahahhaha ...... anyway he tried very hard to "tahan". Because, once he saw Josh, he knew that we were going out and not heading home.

We brought him to Jurong Point to shop for his b/d gift. I had wanted to buy the sesame street alphabet bus for him (he always play with this toy whenever we bring Zoe to her art teacher's house). But, he had other "plans". He wanted to buy "The Wheels On The Bus" series, AGAIN !!! We had a hard time persuading him to settle for those volumes which he doesn't have. He made a scene of course, sigh .... anyway, I forced him to select the two VCDs which we don't have at home.

Drove all the way to the Airport, Zane's favourite place.

And .... ten minutes before we reach the airport, he dozed off in the car!

We paid for an hour of car parking for Zane to . What an expensive nap.

During that one hour, I did my lesson plans. Phew.

We had ice cream at Swensons and dinner at Crystal Jade. Can you imagine a small boy's 4th birthday and we went to Crystal Jade?? Well, my son is a china-boy, he only eats chinese food, esp rice and meat, well. So .... it has to be Chinese food. And his daddy made sure it would be the best chinese food around. Imagine the bill? Anyway, must say, dinner was very good.

Tonight will be part two. Invited my family over for dinner. Invited my in laws too. But mil doesn't feel like coming, so ... we cancelled dinner for the Ng clan. Do I feel disappointed? Needless to say, of course, but to cheer myself up, I just see it as she doesn't want us to spend. And she doesn't believe in celebrating birthdays. When her kids were young and whenever they attempted to give her birthday surprises, they would end up being scolded. Don't ask me why !!! She just doesn't fancy birthdays. Sigh ...

Ok, I gotta get ready, my Yap clan coming soon ....

Zoe is excited, she said she wanna play games with uncle, aka my brother.

Love,
Jess

the best is worth struggling for ... cont' ....

2006-09-18T16:49:00.000+08:00

The Senior Pastor, Pastor David Lim preached.

The sermon ? How apt .... It seems a long while ago when I last heard it. And I've heard it many times. I practiced it many times, I also ignored it many times, I am also as guilty as burying it many times.

Pastor Lim preached on "Conquering Bitterness Before It Conquers You"
Eph 4:15; 29-32

I was very taken aback by Pastor Lim's introductory point. He said something different from what the whole world says and even at times Christian say this too, if they want you to attempt to forgive.

He said, "Don't Forgive and Forget."

And he paused there. I did wonder, did he mean "forgive and forget"?

No. He meant what he preached.

He continued, "Don't forgive and forget. It is impossible. Forgetting is denial."

"recognize the injury. (Eph 4:15)
Face the issues or they will keep on hurting."

At this point, I felt old wounds peeling and bleeding.

Ouchhhhhh, painful. Very painful.

Pastor Lim moved on to elaborate his point.

"If we forgot, we could not forgive the abuser for the injustice and abuse. We need to ask what did I or others do wrong? And then, place responsibility where it belongs, then forgives. We need to take responsibility and move on."

Now, this is a very new light that is being shed upon me.

Thank You, Lord.

Now I know even clearer that I cannot change the facts but forgiveness changes the meaning of the facts.

The next point Pastor Lim shared corrected my misconception about anger.

We always hear people say "Do not let the sun go down when you are still angry." I always thought that anger is a sin.

"Anger is OK! Express your anger!"

Did I hear wrongly? Does it mean I can go home and smash up all the vases?

"Express your anger the right way. Facing reality means facing feelings of anger, betrayal, hurt.... "

"If you repress it, you may suffer from depression, bitterness, mistrust, self-pity, anxiety ... and if you vent it, you may hurt others. You need to express it under control. Express it at the right time, at the right place and with your thoughts thought through."

Thank You, Lord. You teach me not to deny my feelings. I am not always that strong. I am not always that forgiving. I am not always that long-suffering. Teach me, Lord, not to sin in my anger, even in my thoughts.

I commit myself into Your Hands, Lord. Amen.

These two points are enough of rhema to me .....

Let me dwell on them and chew on them.

"Thy Word is a lamp unto my feet. It makes wise the simple. "

Love,
Jesselyn Ng

The best is worth struggling for .....

2006-09-18T06:27:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, my family visited a church near our place.
By car, it takes 5 minutes to get there, but if we take the bus, it will be 45 minutes.

Being spoilt by E, whereby everything is planned to a member's convenience, I find myself trying very hard not to compare.

As we are visitors, I think we were spotted out rather fast (well, esp. when you have a special child who hums loudly when he is in a strange place, you invite curious looks).

So, we were not told off, when we parked in an undesirable lot. The carpark marshal hand gestured to Chert to remove his car from that odd lot, but when he saw that we are first-timers, he waved a "nevermind" hand gesture.

We waited at the B1 lift lobby, but the two lifts never come to this level. Both would stopped at L1 and move upwards again. When one finally opened, there was only enough room for 1 person. Unlike E, the stairs are at another wing. Ok, so, lugged two kids, walked across the basement carpark, up two flights of stairs, and tada .... we were at the side of the church. Ok, walk along the side, reached the main entrance finally, up to the L2 where the Sanctuary is, told by an usher to bring Zoe and Zane to the Children's Church. I stressed that they are just 4 and 6, she insisted CC is for toddlers right up to P6. True enough, at the CC entrance, we were stopped and were told CC is meant for P1-6, and Kindergarteners will go to L4.

Ok, nevermind. Patient. Be patient.

Lugged two kids up another two levels of stairs (lifts are jammed pack and very slow, this we all can expect). Reached the registration table. Oh, 4 yo must register at one table and 6 yo must register at another table. One parent cannot register for both? And the administor for the 4 yo just hand the 6 yo form to her partner next to her? Anyway, obediently followed instructions.

Zoe was excited. New place. Clean place. She was delighted to see a schoolmate in the room. :) And I suspect that schoolmate's little sister attends my school, let me check this out later. I thought I saw her face in GK and not CPK. :)

Zane was trying to process all the different new senses he was experiencing at one goal. Of course, he would face some processing challenges. It was agreed that Chert stayed with him in the room. The teachers knew that we were visitors, of course, they won't chase us out. And when one hinted that it was time for me or us to go to the sanctuary, I said plainly as a matter of fact thingy, "My husband will stay with our son because he is special." She gave me a curious look. I explained, "BY special, I mean autistic." Painful. But necessary.

After the children's worship, I left Zane. Of course he protested, but I know he would get over very fast. Zoe was perfectly fine. A bit too excited, I think, coz she saw at least one familiar face in that room. That little boy was eager to know how we know we can find him in this room. In his little mind, he thought we came to look for him, ha .... interesting ways how children think. :)

Anyway, first experiences and impressions ??? I better say "Neutral".

As Singaporeans and being brought up in E the past 16 years, it is easy to ..... er .... compare and contrast. Just stop short of complain. I was determined to zip my mouth for the day. I was there to hear the Word of God, and nothing was going to rob me of that.

Proceeded down to L2, main sanctuary for the service .......

The best is worth struggling for ....

(to be continued ..... )

6.45am

in moments like this

2006-09-16T01:35:00.000+08:00

Like what I shared in my previous posting about the week, I was dead tired by the time it was dusk.

Fridays are always family meal time together. It is only on Fridays, that Zoe and Zane get to eat together with Daddy. That will mean, Josh will leave office on the dot and try to make it home before 7pm. Usually, we will go to Garage and wait for Josh to finish work. This week's Garage treat for the children will be tomorrow afternoon, as I have to attend a course at RTRC.

I slept by 9pm? Can't remember, I only know it was pretty early. Both the children were still very alive then. But ... I just couldn't keep my eyes open. I slept... or maybe I should correct myself, I mean, I napped.

Was up since 11.30pm and couldn't get back to sleep.

Tried to do some work but the brain refused to work.

So, read the Word of God again. Read John. Simply love this book in the Bible. Thank You, Lord, for Your Word.

Will continue to read (while waiting for the laundry to be done, yes, laundry! What's new? This is one of my late night chores, if I am wide awake. It can be therapeutic at times. )

Love,
Jesselyn Ng

am glad the week is over .....

2006-09-15T15:01:00.000+08:00

This week has been especially long. Long because I almost stayed back in school daily, till 2+pm. Then I would rush to Jurong West, grabbed a quick brunch and picked both kids up.

While at home, there was still work waiting to be done.

Followed my golden rule with regards to work, ie. do the urgent ones first. But everything seemed urgent, haha .... some nights, I worked till quite late, some nights, I plonked unto my bed even before the clock hit eleven.

I am glad the week is over and I felt satisfied about the quality and quantity of work done. :)

Thank You, Lord, for restoring my voice. Thank You, Lord for carrying me through.

This term is gonna be a very exciting term. There will be hands on and more hands on. I've thrown lots of old worksheets out of the window. Going to design brand new and interactive ones. Many will be child-directed. More work for the teachers, no doubt. More challenging for the teachers, definitely. I am glad I can work very well with my co-partner. My Chinese teacher and Mrs Phua are wonderful help. They may always say they do not do much, but all the little which they are doing mean a lot. The children are in good hands, the children can benefit from smaller group teachings.

This is a good place to work in. Of course, there are some restraints, constraints, etc. But, if we are creative enough, we can always work around them.

Thank You, Lord, for good people, for all these very lovely and matured Christian sisters-in Christ. They made a difference. They made the place .... godly and Christian.

I'm just so thankful.

Appreciative Jess

Because of Love

2006-09-14T22:33:00.000+08:00

Because of Love

Because of love Jesus left His Throne
And made this earth His Home
He did it willingly for you and me

With heaven left behind
Jesus came to save all mankind from sin and shame
He could have walked away
But instead Jesus chose to stay upon a tree
And take a crown of thorns for me
Because of love

Because of love, Jesus bore my pain
Shouldering the blame
Why did He choose to go?
How could He love me so?

Because of love God called to me
He said, “Child, I will set you free
And you’ll have life abundantly.”
Because of love

God gave unselfishly
Caused my blinded eyes to see
It was you and me Jesus had in mind
On the road to Calvary
I’ve never known such perfect love
I had fallen down but He picked me up
God rescued my soul, now I want the world to know

Because of love Jesus left the grave
Prepared for us a place
Jesus will be back again someday
And I will hear Him say,
“Because you believe, you will live eternally.”
And I’ll fall on my knees and I will praise

You are Holy, You are Holy
Lord, God Almighty
You are worthy to receive glory
Honour and power forever
Amen!

When I remember ....

2006-09-13T18:54:00.000+08:00

" When I remember what You've done.
When I remember the shedding of Your Blood.
I can't help but worship You,
For what You have done.

Do you feel the crown of thorns?
The garment that was torn?
To grasp the angry soldier's spear
That made the blood and water part.

To touch the wood one time.
Pick up the faithful spike.
We can't hold these pieces in our hands.
We can hold them in our hearts. "

very grateful for all the helpful tips and love expressed

2006-09-13T15:04:00.000+08:00

I'm so touched by the people around me, who showered me with much care over my throat.

Parents who hear me speak are full of sympathy that I've yet to fully recover. Colleagues share their remedies which work for them. Miss Tang bought prunes. Mrs Teo bought honey and passed some huge sour plums which a church member gave to her and said it helps to sooth the throat. Mrs Choo bought Ban Lan Geng. I am so very grateful. Thank You, Lord, for all these lovely ladies.

Friends who are faraway by physical distance drop a line or two in my blog or call.

Thank you, dear friends.

I'm determined to get well. I pray and hope this will clear off soon. No matter what, I will finish the term well. God, please help me.

Love,
Jesselyn Ng

Great to see the children at school again, but .....

2006-09-12T06:56:00.000+08:00

It was a wonderful start at school yesterday.

Lots of excitement and catching up between teachers and students and students among themselves.

The 13 of them who had completed their Food Project were beaming with pride when they placed their masterpieces on my project table.

The other 7 were strongly encouraged to bring theirs within the week. One parent apparently did not even get to read the letters I've been sending out. :(. Excusable, as this family has 5 children and no domestice helper.

We had a birthday celebration. This girl was born on the exact day when 9/11 happened 5 years ago. The children enjoyed the simple celebration. The mum offered to cook lunch for the staff one of these days, we've fixed it for next Wednesday. She requested to cook the Indian rice in the school's kitchen. This request is granted. :)

So, what is the "but" ?

But ...... my throat is painful again and my voice is giving way again .....

Am I having some serious throat problem? Or vocal strain?

Honey, more honey. Ban Lan Geng and more Ban Lan Geng ...

I really hate this .... arrrgghhhhh ......

How to teach when you have no voice? aaaaarrrgghhhhhh .......

Whisper, whisper, whisper, plus sign, sign sign .....

Trust God for the day.

"Please Lord, carry me through the day. Thank You. I know I am heavy, but .... I still wanna be carried today, hehehe ....."

Love,
Jesselyn Ng

this is the best !!!!

2006-09-08T05:02:00.000+08:00

Last night, at 7 plus, I saw the most amazing thing which Zane has done.

We were on my bed. He was "reading" his alphabet wooden puzzle. He wanted me to read the letters too. As we went along and after I've read many rounds, I told Zane, "Your turn, you point to the letters, mummy will read."

And this is what I saw ....

He took a "w", I read "w".

And within the same second, he took "C" and "T" with both hands.
Before I could read "C" and "T" ..... Zane lined the three letters on the bed.

It spelt "CTW".

My son's first word !!!! He can spell !!!!!

Almost all kids first words are C-A-T, D-O-G, A-P-P-L-E, or B-O-Y .... so why is Zane's first word "CTW"? no vowels, how to pronounce?

It stands for Children's Television Worshop. It is a logo he always sees whenever we play his sesame street vcds. And he can also spot these three letters, in small print, on his sesame street books.

AMAZING !!!!

Elated Mummy (so much so that I was up at 3am, still smiling to myself that I witnessed Zane's first spelt "word". What a privilege.)

so far so good.... 7th sept review and work

2006-09-07T14:40:00.000+08:00

This morning is Zane's Glowing Seed's Review with his Consultant and Therapist. It was a very good session. I am glad to see PCS teachers very open and willing to pick up new therapy skills to help Zane to communicate more effectively.

One thing we all noticed in Zane this quarter is that he exhibits much less tantrums now, more compliant and listens better. Zane has came a long way. Last year this time when we first engaged Glowing Seed, Zane wasn't like that.

Thank You, Lord for Glowing Seed, esp. for Evonne, who is a good match to Zane and thus the program JuLieh and her designed for Zane seems to be working very well and yielding results.

One thing I've never told Evonne is that ... I too, love the colour Yellow. :) Both of us do have some similarities except that I was never as slim as she is now at her age. I was never slim btw !! arrgghhhhh !!!!

Took a while to fix the puzzle Zoe poured out to do. Was that a 100 pieces puzzle? I did it till I see stars. Ha ...

I was very late in getting back to school to do some work.

Seeing that there isn't time for lunch, esp. with Zoe, I just grabbed some buns from Anna and off we went to Galilee.

Zoe was most patient as I worked. She self-helped to the wooden blocks and built her towers.

I did what I wanted to do. I intend to do more tomorrow. The rest of the things which I can do from home, I packed them home to do. Much easier to work with my own lap top. Just that .... the printer is not working. Sigh .... nevermind, if not in time to send to Josh to get him to print for me, can send to Unimax.

Don't really look forward to tomorrow, but work is still work. It has to be done. :)

Till the next post, may be next week ....

Love,
Jess

so far so good ..... 6th Sept shop, play and dine

2006-09-07T08:26:00.000+08:00

It was a very lovely day today. A full day too.

We started with bringing Zane to school. He was happy. Very happy to be back to school after his two days “leave”.

Mummy has some errands to run in town and so, he has to stay in school so that mummy is able to do what she has to do.

Met Anita Goh at John Little. We shopped for what we needed and headed for lunch at Starhub Center. What do I need? Teaching clothes for Term 4! So that means non-sexy clothes lah ..... Hahaha ….

How to bring both Zoe and Zane to shop for ladies’ clothes? The fitting room will be too small for all the three of us, keeping in mind the hippo figure I’ve got here. :P. Zoe won’t be able to restrain Zane if she is being assigned to “look after didi while mummy tries the clothes”. I will be risking losing both my puppies. So, Zane has to be with his friends and teachers for today.

To most ladies, shopping is a delightful activity. To me, it is a chore. Sigh. I am a practical shopper. I shop like men. Zoom into a shop, get what I need, pay and zoom out. Ok, I am done within 30 minutes. Hahahaha …… 3 blouses and 2 skirts. Almost done. Maybe 2 pairs of pants if I do see some which fit my hippo hips.

Lunch was a breeze because we were ahead of the lunch crowd. The place is pleasant. Zoe wasn’t too bothered that her favourite pizza stall is closed. Anyway, she reminded me that she just had pizza at Delci’s place the day before. Hmmmm, actually she won’t mind having another piece of pizza, I know my girl. :)

Today’s practical lesson for Zoe was Telling Time. She wore her Nemo watch and she was telling time every quarter, half hourly or hourly. She was waiting for two o’clock whereby she can go to Garage. She loves Garage. She loves Adeline. I think every kid loves to play there !

Today was a very special treat for Zoe, since she would be at Garage first while I pick Zane from school. That means she would be there for 4 hours! Much to her delight, I know !

She went “yeahhhhhhhhhhhhh! Can play for so long??? Until 6 o’clock? Thank you, Mummy!” and off she went to play.

Ever since Zane joins Zoe for Garage, she can only play for 2 hours each session. Costly mah, when you have to pay for two kids. She is understanding. But that doesn’t mean that she won’t whine whenever she sees me picking them up. Coz that means end of the play session.

I picked Zane up from school and we headed back to Garage. To Zane’s delight, this time. I had a good one to one time with Zane on the bus ride to Orchard. He was very happy to have mummy to himself. He is very cooperative and obedient. He was anticipating Garage too. Good boy!

Oi Leng said I was amazing. Came to Orchard with Zoe. Dropped Zoe at Garage. Went back to Jurong West to pick Zane and came back to Garage with Zane. And ….. I don’t drive, so, all the travelling is by bus???!!!

Well, for the 2 precious ones, nothing is too tough. Furthermore, 502 takes less than an hour each ride.

Josh and Anita will know the blunder I’ve made over 502. I wasn’t thinking I guess, sigh …….

Josh met us at Garage. My children were blessed with Oi Leng’s homecooked fried rice. Zane loves it so much that he helped Zoe to eat half of her portion. Zoe ate because she wants to grow bigger than Zane. Hahaha ….

We had a very good adults’ dinner at Spagadies (sp?). Josh and I hardly have the chance to do this. Either one of us have to order something the children can eat usually. heehee.... The children had ice cream and everyone was happy. The best treat of the evening was : UOB card holder enjoys dining one for one. Yeah … so, my pasta is FREE! Yahoo, blessing, blessing.

When you never expects something, some things sweet may come your way….

Like meeting Anita? (last minute date)

Like having Oi Leng’s fried rice? (last minute notification)

Like the one for one dinner? (only knew about the offer when it was time to pay)

Thank You, Lord!

Love,
Jesselyn Ng

so far so good ... 5th Sept Playdate

2006-09-06T05:23:00.000+08:00

Delci is one friend I would not want to miss meeting during the holidays.

Ethan is one friend Zoe would not want to miss playing with during the holidays, she just wishes that she can get to play with Ethan more often than just holidays.

Zoe and I used to meet Delci and Ethan more often when I was still a sahm. It is only when I started teaching that we have to meet up during Zoe and my school holidays. :( How restrictive. Another factor to consider is the travelling distance or/and time. And at times cost.

When I just had Zane, Delci and Ethan came over more often. And when Delci just had little Zoe, I go over to her place more often. Delci is a very mobile mum, unlike me. When Zane was younger, I tend to stay at home more as it was very draining managing two young kids alone outside, esp when one of them is very public-challenging. Either that or I would just take Zoe.

I used to just take Zoe to Delci's place. Firstly the play date timings will be Zane's lunch and nap hours in school, so bringing him will mean a bringing a cranky child. (Mothers, we all know that for a play date to be successful, the children must be well-rested). Bringing Zoe alone will also allow me to just chat carefreely with Delci and at the same time being able to facilitate Zoe and Ethan's play whenever necessary. Chasing Zane around a place is no joke. He is one child who needs constant supervision. Delci will know what I mean. :).

And bringing both will mean I have to go by taxi. With Zoe, we can take a bus, enjoy the 1+ hour of travelling with each other. With Zane coming along, I will have to arm myself with a bigger entertainment bag and be prepared that he will make fusses along the way over the slightest things which irritate his audio, tactile and visual senses if we ever take a bus. In short, bringing both Zoe and Zane out will mean, me as the mummy must be very, very prepared, esp, emotionally.

I was glad I brought Zane to Delci's place. This being holiday, I've no heart to send him to school while Zoe has a playdate. :)

I am so glad to see Zane comfortable with the place. He fussed a little over the books, adult's books btw. Delci has many attractive alpha toys and books, much to his delight. Those kept him occupied throughout the play date. Though he does not actively play with Ethan, Zoe and little Zoe, he didn't mind their presence and noise. He was happy walking around them and ocassionally "playing" the same toys with them. I am very thankful for such an understanding and proactive friend. She was constantly keeping a lookout for things in her house which may interest Zane. :)

Just wanna blog down some very wonderful moments during the playdate :

* Seeing that both Ethan and my Zoe have grown. Very heartwarming to see this pair of friends still enjoy just laughing and rolling around with each other. Both Delci and I are still amused that whenever Ethan and Zoe get together, they can just break into very contagious laughter that will even bring smiles to the mummies. It is only with Ethan that Zoe plays this way. It is also only with Zoe Ng that Ethan will play this way. ie. Laugh .... giggle .... laugh .... giggle ....

* Little Zoe has grown much too. What a sweet toddler she is !!! Can't help but wanna hug her, and if possible, plant some pecks on her chubby cheeks. I bid my time. I didn't pounce on this little princess the moment I saw her of course though I must say that she is very irrestible !!

I waited till she was standing close to me. When I opened my arms to motion her to walk nearer to me, little Zoe came nearer and sticked her arm to mine !!!!! I was so happy !! I sang her a duckie song as she was holding on to a duckling. She smiled coyly after the song. Then, she picked up a bigger duck. I sang the song again. Then she picked up a speckie duck. I sang it again. This time sang to her to take her lunch first. :)

For little Zoe, at her age, she is a very engaged child. I believe the training from Delci for Zoe to be engaged in purposeful activities while she homeschools Ethan is really bearing fruits. She can stay engaged for at least twenty minutes, that is very long for a pre-nursery child. Good job, Delci and Zoe !!

* Another heartwarming moment is to eat the pizza Zoe made for me! She followed all my instructions. Eating that pizza also mean savouring the love of both Delci and Zoe have for my children and I.

This is one friend I love a lot. Maybe because we just click since the beginning. Maybe we share many common ideas and opinions from childcaring to personal caring (esp spiritual aspect). Or maybe it is a Big Blessing from our Heavenly Father that even we are worlds apart (within Singapore), that does not stop the friendship from receiving continuous nurturing. It is a wonderful parenting experience to see each other's children grow and to grow with each other in this route.

" You know, Delci, walking this motherhhood life is never too lonely or too tough with you around. We share many ups and downs with each other, from mothering to teaching to wifeing and to worshipping. Thank God for you many times over, my dear friend. :) "

* To see Zoe and Zoe interacting with each other. We made it a point to snap some shots of Zoe and Zoe together. Must update my msn pic mah .... the one I have now was an antique, little Zoe was barely 6 months old in that pic. hehehe .......

I was so relaxed and so at peace when I was at Delci's place. It must have been the Lord Who graced the place and the fellowship with His love and presence. The best and most comforting thing I have heard from Delci is that she is seeing much improvements in Zane. The last few rounds, it took three adults to take turns to watch him. Today, he really did me proud. Yeah ! Thank You, Lord. That was a much needed affirmation for the efforts Zane and I have been putting in.

Once again, I give thanks to God, for this good gift of friendships. For all 6 of us.

Oh yes, I also wanna thank Delci for the coffee, hmmmmm ..... nice black coffee ....... :) ahhhhhhhhhhh ........

Grateful Jess

so far so good

2006-09-05T15:36:00.001+08:00

Time doesn't wait for you, it just allows you to pass it by.

Playdate and another playdate

Monday, the playdate was at my place.
Tuesday, the playdate was at my good friend's place.

For both playdates, we can only host them during the holidays, simply because of different schooling sessions and schooling preference.

The one at my place was a rather big one. 5 adults and 8 children from ages 2-10.
The one at my friend's place was a one-to-one, two-to-two (she also has a pair of children) or three-to-three (if you include mummy to mummy) date? :)

Anyway, both are very good. Excellent, in fact!

Let me start with the Monday, 4 Sept Playdate.

8am

Zane was up. Was debating if I should send him to school, so that Zoe can play in peace with her school friends. And mummy can also chat in peace, esp. Zoe's teacher will be here too to grace the occasion.

Final decision? He stays at home. Great! :)

9am

Called PCS. "Applied" 2 days leave for Zane, heehee ....
Ok, got my shopping list ready, I mean my revised shopping list.

Initially I thought only Zoe will be with me in the morning. So, I intended to buy Emi durian puffs and crepes from Jurong East Central. Then, takes a feeder to IMM to get Polar cakes and Old Chang Kee's fish balls. In the end, decided to just get pastries from my good, old Prima Deli in the neighbourhood. With 2 kids in tow, buying stuffs from nearby shops will be more managable. So, grabbed breakfast, lunch and tea all from my market.

10.30am - 1.30pm

Cleaned up the house. Mopped the place 3 times! You can imagine how dusty my place had become. Layed out the new toys arrangement concept. Lined up new books at the library. Learning corner is set, completed with table and chairs.

I was bashed even before the guests came. It could have taken me much shorter time to do the chores but Zane was in the house, so... lots of interruptions, plus Zoe's 1001's requests?

2pm

Matthew, Verity and Violet came first. They took a cab. So pai seh. coz my place is not easy to walk in if you are not familiar with the place.

Next was Joan, Benjamin and May. Poor Ben, he must have felt so out of place and bored. I did not plan anything for 10 yos. I offered him my lap top for surfing and games, since mine is broadband. May rejected the offer for Ben. And Ben had been most patient. What do you expect a 10 yo boy to do in the midst of 5 mummy ladies having tea and pastries while the other young children play around the house? He entertained himself by making a paper spear out of just rough paper and scotch tape.

Mrs Poh arrived next. The three kids, ie. Matthew, Joan and Zoe were very thrilled. Zoe was very excited and getting shrieky..... a bit too high with excitement already. Well, gave her some more minutes .... see if she could manage the excitement.

Oi Leng came with both Charissa and Benedict. Very happy that we chatted for a brief moment in the morning. She actually had no intention to bring Benedict! I had to let the cat out of the bag that I had bought a cake to celebrate Ben's birthday. It was meant as a surprise for Oi Leng actually. It was good that I asked. If not, there will be one birthday boy missing, heehee ...

(Will continue blogging later ..... motherly duties calling ..... 4.45pm)

(at 10.36pm, I wrote ..... )

The play date cum tea went on very smoothly.

At first the Kindergarteners were just running around the house, having silly fun. When their noise level got too high and the mothers had to chat louder to be heard, I knew it was time to intervene.

"Children, would you like to sit at the table and do some quiet activities?"

"NO!" a voice was heard.

But, not heeded.

"Auntie Jess has prepared very interesting art and craft materials..... if you are keen, you can sit down, let's see who is fast enough."

The girls were compliant. Except Zoe. I had to call her to sit.

Mrs Poh came to the rescue and gathered the children like a mother hen. She dished out her surprises. There was a pack of stencils. Great, this will be good tools for drawing. I provided all sorts of drawing materials, from pencils, to colour pencils, to crayons, to markers, to even face paints.

After the children were done drawing. I got them to do an ice cream stick craft, making of an ice cream stick box, or more specifically, pencil holder. I was glad to see the kids very attentive and engaged. Next play date, I'll buy more white glue. Good to let every child has an individual bottle.

Zoe had Mrs Poh to help her alongside and she was still the same old "I do it by myself" girl. Good if you see that she is trying to be independent. As her mum, I see it as stubborn. Ha ....

Anyway, the rest completed their craft, but .... u guess it, Zoe Ng !!! She abandoned it because she was hungry. Like real! I know she quitted coz she saw that she wasn't as fast as the rest, so, she kinda excused herself in her self-imposed competition.

This morning when she looked at her incomplete craft, she shifted the blame to Matthew, who happened to craft the "tallest" holder out and thus had used more sticks than the rest. See lah, kids .... so Eve or Cain sometimes, sigh sigh ..... anyway, she got an earful from me for this attitude.

To cut the story short, the planned activities were well received. The mums were glad, the children were elated too, esp when it was time to go home and everyone had sooooooooooooooooooooooooo many things to bring home. Mrs Poh had came with lots of little gifts for the children, that is so sweet of her.

The tidying up part was great too! The children were helpful and very organised in putting the stationery and toys away. It was not tedious packing up at all. As a reward, another present from Auntie Jess.

When the children were about to step out of the house, I casually asked them if they like to come to Auntie Jess' Play House and whether they would like to come again.

"YESSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!"

"Can I come again tomorrow?", asked the same child who initially gave me a "no" to my structured activities. Heehee ....

What a successful play date. Thank You, Lord.

The highlight was the birthday celebration for Benedict and Zane!!
Ben was so candid, so cute. So many expressions !!! He is such a darling. Too bad Josh's digital camera was in the office. Anyway, Mrs Poh snapped some shots. Hope they turn out well.

This playdate was quite a blast. Not only the children liked it. Not only the adults like it. I love it too !! Thank You, Lord, for the strength, the wisdom and the providence. :)

I will share about today's playdate 5 Sept at Delci's place in a separate posting. Eyes getting tired now ...... gotta rest for the day ...

Night, night, everyone ..... yawnzzzzzzzz .......

Love,
Jesselyn Ng

holiday begins today

2006-09-01T08:56:00.000+08:00

I'm very glad that it is the September holiday now.

I've been to the clinic (yes, my 4th time, I know) yesterday.

Today will take the children to Ikea. I hope to get some play shelves.
Going to do a bit of reorganisation to the living room's play area. The children are getting bigger and their play interests have changed slightly.

Tomorrow, there are programs too, more for adults, not for the children. Thankfully our morning is not taken up yet. So, maybe can take them outdoors.

Actually, one week holiday is actually very short. By right, have to churn out new worksheets. I hope I can have the time, space and finance to do it (well, printer isn't working now and the brand new thumb drive which Josh bought for me isn't working too???)

Till the next post..... gotta go .......

The children are ready and waiting.

Btw, they were both up by 7am !!! Don't they know that it is holiday and they can sleep in? Poor mummy is still sleepy as she slept very late last night.

Love,
Jesselyn

A time to appreciate .... A time to bless ....

2006-08-31T23:14:00.000+08:00

It is Teacher's Day Celebration today.

It is the time of the year when I'm the busiest .... over teachers.

Zane has 4 teachers in his class in PCS.

Zoe has at least 5 teachers teaching the K2s in CPK.

My school has around 13 staff.

Hmmmmmmmmmm .............

Due to tight budget, really had to cut down on some gifts.

Like what I whispered to my colleagues this morning, "I only give to the upstairs teachers hor, ssshhhhhhh ...... "

Wrote two appreciation letters for Zoe and Zane's teachers........

Here they are. Some parts are duplicates. Hmmm, oh well, simply because both are special children and I do feel the same way towards this aspect of their specialness.

****************************************

Letter to PCS (Zane's school)

Dear PCS Principal and Teachers,

Blessed Teacher’s Day !!

Once again, l would love to take this opportunity to thank the Principal and staff for their love and care towards Zane. Special thanks to Zane’s PG class teachers and I hope you like the little gifts Zane brought to school today.

Since the day Zane was diagnosed, the words “special child” has become a very different meaning in my life. Now, when I tell others that “my son is special”, my heart will be very heavy.

15 years in preschool teaching and I’ve taught all sorts of preschoolers. I have never thought that the path of parenting which I have to take will be different from most parents. My dreams about my very own children can read at the age of 3 and write short stories by the time they enter formal schools were flushed down the drain.

By the grace of God and the hard work of the teachers, this year especially, I do see remarkable improvement in Zane. Maybe Glowing Seed’s intervention program really helps a lot. I can see Zane having more eye contacts with the adults and responsive. I think his tantrums have also cut down significantly and more predictable. Like, when he insists in having an object and we have to say “no”, we can anticipate that he may bang his head on the floor and be prepared to tackle that.

I know it takes a lot, a lot, a lot of patience and strength to look after Zane alongside with the other 22 children. I’m his mummy, I know. It is challenging taking care of Zane. I told Chen Lao Shi that I dunno how you super teachers survive?! I’m only teaching half day, and my voice can give way by the end of the week.

I can tell that Zane loves PCS. He loves his teachers too. Children this young, esp special children, they are very real to their emotions. If they like you, they will show. If they do not, they will shun you. I can see Zane being more affectionate. Sometimes I do tease the teachers that Zane is being forced to plant goodbye kisses on their cheeks. If he doesn’t kiss the teacher, he can’t step out of the school gate that kind of thing? Hahaha .... And it warms my heart a lot to see Zane showing love to the teachers whom he knows they love him dearly.

The reason why I’m sticking to Glowing Seed is also Zane likes Evonne a lot. When he likes an adult very much, that also mean he will respond to that same adult very positively.

Oh yah, please help me pass Evonne’s Teacher’s Day gift to her, ok ? I will miss her since she only comes in the morning.

I will share with you ladies my blog which I write about Zane. Hope it will bless your hearts. I just want to say, you teachers have been such a great blessing to me and I can’t thank all of you enough.

I thank God for each and every one of you. Amen. J

Blog about Zane : (Thanks for reading)

Love,
Jesselyn Ng
30 August 2006
4.45pm

***********************************

Letter to CPK (Zoe's school)

Dear Calvary Pandan Principal and Teachers,

Blessed Teacher’s Day !!

Once again, l would love to take this opportunity to thank the Principal and staff for their love and care towards Zoë. Special thanks to Zoë’s class teachers and I hope you like the little gifts Zoë brought to school today.

Since the day Zoë was diagnosed, the words “special child” has become a very different meaning in my life. Now, when I tell others that “my girl is special”, my heart will be very heavy.

15 years in preschool teaching and I’ve taught all sorts of preschoolers. I have never thought that the path of parenting which I have to take will be different from most parents. My dreams about my very own children can read at the age of 3 and write short stories by the time they enter formal schools were flushed down the drain.

By the grace of God and the hard work of the teachers, this year especially, I do see remarkable improvement in Zoë. She is almost indistinguishable (as an autistic child) when she is with her classmates now, unless she acts up.

I want to especially thank Mrs Phua and Mrs Lim for being extra patient with Zoë. Mrs Phua, you have left a very deep impression on me since those days when I had to hang around the school to be Zoë’s shadow teacher. This is because, no matter how busy you were with your own K1 class, you would always stop and say a “Hello Zoë” to my girl. And you would wait patiently for her eye contact and response. Even though Zoë failed so many times in returning you the greeting, you still took the time to connect with her. I am very touched because you were not even her class teacher then.

This year, when I heard that you are her class teacher, I gave thanks to God many times over. On hindsight, I understand the plans of God for Zoë’s preschool path now, ie, she would have Mrs Poh for her first two years as Mrs Poh’s personality is a good match for Zoë’s special temperaments. When she comes to you, Mrs Phua, I am amazed that she fell in love with you so quickly. In fact, she coped with the changes pretty well this year, unlike when she was in Nursery and K1.

Mrs Low, I must commend that you have great teachers in your school. In their lives, I really see Christian teaching. I thank God for each and every one of you, dear teachers. God sees your hard work and your love for the children under your wings.

I like the change in curriculum and the flow which I can see from one theme to another, one language to another. Thank you, once again, teachers, for your hard work. I’m a preschool educator myself, I know it is an uphill task when it comes to curriculum planning and changing.

To the Chinese teachers, do you know that Zoë loves all of you a lot? She is always talking about you ladies. Thank you, for being extra gentle and loving towards Zoë. She can feel your love. Yesterday, when we went shopping for teacher’s day gift, wahhhhhh, her list is so long. Hahaha .......

And to Mrs Tan (K1 asst teacher), till today, Zoë remembers and loves you a lot. She says I must get a bag for her Mrs Tan. She appreciates the countless times you had helped her with a change of uniform and wounds. One of those days, after I picked Zoë from school, I told her that my toe was bleeding as I kicked the pavement accidentally (we were at the bus stop outside Calvary then). Guess what Zoë said? “Come, mummy, follow me. I will bring you to Mrs Tan. She can help you. She can stop the blood.” I was near tears when I heard that.

I know it takes a lot, a lot, a lot of patience and strength to look after Zoë alongside with the other 20+ children. I’m her mummy, I know. I can tell that Zoë loves Calvary Pandan. She loves her teachers very much too. Children this young, esp special children, they are very real to their emotions. If they like you, they will show. If they do not, they will shun you. I can see Zoë’s affection towards all her class teachers. Each time she does a drawing for Mrs Phua, she will take hours. And she will be too tired to draw some more for Mrs Lim and the Chinese Teachers. :P

Dear Mrs Lim, thank you for taking time to attend to Zoë, I know recent mornings, she has an itch and she has to trouble you to apply oil for her. Zoë loves you a lot too. Thank you for taking care of her on days when I took a while to cross over to fetch her. Well, I was standing at my school gate, waiting for parents who are late in picking their children too, hahaha .....

Mrs Low, please allow me to bless the teachers with some light snacks today as it is teacher’s day. I know you will “scold” me. I will bravely face that. Heehee. Words will never be enough for me to thank your teachers. But, I really wish to bring a little something to the school today for the teachers. I promise that it will not be something costly.

It is my way of expressing appreciation and it is a blessing to give. Please allow me this privilege, Mrs Low?

Once again, may you ladies have a most wonderful holiday this coming week.

May the Lord continue to bless your ministry with the children. Amen.

Love and Appreciation,

Mrs Jesselyn Ng
(Zoë Ng’s mummy)
K2A 2006
30 August 2006
5.35pm

Giving Thanks .... one day more

2006-08-30T06:38:00.000+08:00

Very thankful to the Lord that He answered my prayer about staying focused on the tasks I've mapped out to do in school the last two days. Seemed like there are 101 things to do. I am very thankful that the children could follow through.

Today, we will do the last part of our letter-writing project. The children will stick a stamp on their envelopes and we will take a short walk to the nearest mail box and post the letters! The children will receive their friend's letters cum drawings in their respective letter boxes latest by Friday, I guess, unless ..... blur me, write the wrong addresses. I checked and double-checked and triple-check already leh. If the parents didn't update their addresses, then, cannot fault the teacher, hehehe .......

"Lord, may I ask for fine weather for today? The children are looking forward to posting their letters. In Jesus Christ's name, Amen."

It is a rather interesting process when I got the children to write the letters. Some of them had so many things to say to their friends, some of them had to think for a long time. Well, this is because, the recipients were picked by lots, so, the children kinda have to make do with what their fingers picked out, hehehe .... how can I give the children a free choice on who they want to write letters to? The popular students will receive 10+ letters and the not so popular ones may have none! So .... Drew lots, fair and square, and everybody receives one (hopefully).

Today, the children will pack and bring their yellow bags home. I am glad this is the last school day. It will be a day of revision and fun. Award giving and showing of appreciation for the students' hard work.

Come tomorrow, it will be a very fun day. Disney Channel is coming again !!! My children are excited! Those who have SCV at home already started spreading the charms of Disney Channel to the non-subscribers, kekeke .....

Ok, gotta get ready for school now.

Till the next blog .....

Love,
Jesselyn Ng

quiet moments with God .... for teachers

2006-08-30T02:07:00.000+08:00

Really very quiet in the study room now.

I like this teacher's devotional very much.

Title : Keeping your eyes on Him

Ginger ran to her mother's room as fast as her five-year-old legs would take her.

"Come look; come quick," she squealed.

"What is it, honey?" her mother asked.

"You have to come see."

Ginger grabbed Mother by the hand and led her to the living room. Stopping in front of the credenza, Ginger pointed her chubby little finger to the manger scene.

When Mother had arranged the figures the previous night, the display was properly balanced and evenly spaced. The larger figures were near the stable, and the smaller ones were at the far edge of the walnut top so as to achieve proper perspective.

Mother had been pleased with the visual picture. Now the figures were clustered under the stable roof. Each stood facing the manger, as close as possible to Baby Jesus.

"Isn't that better? Now they can all see," Ginger proudly exclaimed.

"See?" asked her Mother.

"Yes, see," said Ginger. "When I got up, all the men were scattered around. Some of them were so far away that they couldn't see Baby Jesus. I moved them closer, as they could see Him."

Can you see Jesus, or do you need to move a little closer to the manger in order to see the Saviour?

" By a carpenter mankind was made.
And only be that carpenter can mankind be remade."

- Desiderius Erasmus

Just Sharing,
Jesselyn Ng

Rose of Sharon

2006-08-29T06:13:00.000+08:00

" I am a rose of Sharon,
a lily among the valley.
Like a lily among thorns is my darling among maidens. "
- Song of songs 2 : 1-2

As a young Christian, I was never able to understand this book in the Bible.
Now, as a married woman, I can understand it better. There are many beautiful metaphors in this book. The author himself is a poet. He had been given much wisdom by God. Unlike his father, David, he was more like a scholar than a warrior. He was a great lover, too much a lover. Sometimes I wonder if those strange women strayed his hearts from God till he missed the Kingdom of God? There is no record of his ending life, his last moments ... Like did he cry out to God and find his way Home again? We will all find out, when we get to heaven.

Now, about roses ....

I am not a nature lover. Plants, trees and flowers do not mean much to me. Ya, true, I marvel over God's beautiful creation but these don't make me go head over heels.

Yet, I love roses a lot. I love yellow and white roses. I find roses very appealing and they have character. Maybe because of their beauty and their thorns which go together. To me, it is like strength beneath the soft look.

When I was young, when I was being courted, only roses could win a smile from me.

When I am married, my beloved still buys roses for me, and it has to be roses as I only love roses. Sometimes, he will go to great length to buy very unique roses, if yellow or white are not available.

When I was young, when I gave my close lady friends flowers on their birthdays, it had to be roses too. I used to frequent two florists who were so generous with me. For just $30, I can get a super big bouquet of roses for each of my close friends, sometimes, they even deliver the bouquet for free for me. But they are no longer in this business. What a pity ..... and I've yet to find another florist like them. Btw, they are males.

I saw the abandoned roses in school yesterday. I've asked permission to bring them home to dry them. Think I will do just that later. :)

I still remember my 21 white roses which I hung around my chai chee flat's wall to dry. Those were from my beloved for my 21st birthday. Never get to ask him how much that bouquet cost him.

Roses are beautiful, don't you think so?

"May I have roses again this 7th Anniversary, my beloved? Maybe 7 yellow roses?"

Love,
Jesselyn Ng

a much needed break

2006-08-29T06:04:00.000+08:00

I am looking forward to the September holidays.

I will ensure that I have my holidays. I need a good, good break. If not I may burn out.

Two full days of first aid course, 8am - 6.15pm? And it is compulsory unless you have the first aid certificate? Definitely impossible for me. Lugging two kids to a full day course? If I attend the course for half days, it is also considered as incomplete. Anyway, later, I must ensure that I catch hold of my Principal.

"God, give me strength for today. I need to finish everything by today. Please help me to stay focus. I'm very drained already. I am so glad Thu is a half day."

Love,
Jess

unhomed ..... or unchurched ?

2006-08-27T09:36:00.000+08:00

Unhomed sounds more accurate.

Without realising, I've left E for almost a year. E had been home, my first earthly heavenly home. As to why I left, even Josh also had to spend some time probing the reasons out. Many issues and unresolved misperceptions, I guess. Anyway, E's strict rules with regards to leadership remains. I bowed out since I think i was no longer up to the "mark".

Sometimes, when I am in my lamenting moods, I will ask myself, "Maybe things will be different if I had agreed to PM's offer?" Or "Maybe I should just trust God in meeting the travelling expenses to and fro?" Or "Maybe I should just be thick-skinned enough to ensure all the way that my children can be intergrated into their children's ministry though they are a very different kinda sheep?"

I think I left as I was too tired fighting myself. Plus I'm too private to share. Whatever people think and perceive, so be it. I'm bothered no more. Out of sight, out of mind? Hopefully works for the others. But definitely not for me.

Till now, E's website still remains in my favourite list. Till now, I will enter the site and look at the pictures of my beloved Ps. If only they know what's exactly in my heart and not just through my CL and then RP, by then, all the messages conveyed are misrepresented or diluted, or may end up ... dismissed. To be fair, the thing is : I did not even try. I just exited quietly. No formal good-byes. I'm not totally burning the bridge behind me. Because, what if, one day, I feel like.... returning home ?

Tried another E. Same denomination. But the church's focus isn't what I'm comfortable with. And the sunday school is also very big and untrained.

Now, supposedly with J. The sunday school is small and ideal for my children. I still miss the good, old, solid sermons of E's Ps. To be honest, the best sermons I've heard the past year from J were those in the June's church camp, by the camp speaker.

J's people are warm. Non-pushy sort, which I am very comfortable with. J's people are also commited to their various ministries. Just not as strict as E and thus more human touch. During the camp, J's Ps can sit at our table and had meals with us, had long fellowship just to know us more. J's people are brought up to respect those older than them. All those young adults and teens actually call me "Auntie Chern Chern" or "Auntie Jess". Something I respect them for. My angel in the camp, who is just a 16 yo teen boy actually bought a pricey straw bag for me. Pricey coz I think he bought it from the hotel's gift shop (so price is marked up substantially). He also bought cookies for me and I know it was meant for Zoe and Zane. Remarkable as these came from a teen. I was .... touched by my angel, I must say.

Staying in J? Honestly, I dunno. Which is why till now, I feel .... unhomed.

Love,
Jesselyn

so ... how did the play go ?

2006-08-24T20:22:00.000+08:00

Zoe and Zane had water play in the bath room.

I instructed Zoe to call me if Zane brings things which he shouldn't bring into the water. She said, "Ok."

Few moments after hearing their giggles which turned into silence, I went into the bathroom, just to find my son engaged in two of his favourite past times simultaneously. Ok, he was in the play pool, and he was reading. He did an experiment with the pages of the book he was holding, which was Zoe's favourite Dr Seuss book!

Ok, you can imagine the commotion that followed. ie a wailing mummy, lecturing both kids.

How come Zoe never call for me when Zane first stepped into the bathroom with her book?

Well, she "hid" herself in an overturned pail, which accounted for why she didn't see it happened.

Dunno to laugh or to cry. I better choose to laugh.

I threw the book into the trash bin.

Zane retrieved it from the bin and started crying that this precious treasure of his is disintergrating, of course, I comforted him, but with laughter in my heart.

So, I tore of the very wet pages off the book and gave him the remaining ones which are partially wet at the sides. He is hugging the "saved" book in bed now, still mumbling to himself. Maybe asking himself why his experiments always fail. Why water and books don't go well together? Even board books will disintergrate. And he doesn't fancy bath books, maybe he finds them too fake.

Oh well, my son. My little Einstein.

Love,
Jesselyn Ng

glad to see ....

2006-08-24T18:14:00.000+08:00

very happy to see Zoe and Zane playing together more often nowadays.

for Zane, this does not come very naturally like for other siblings' pairs. Zane is an ASD child. It takes a lot for him to be aware of a playmate's presence and even more to play with that playmate. He handled side by side play with one playmate the best (for a long, long, long time and did not progress to play). He will turn 4 next month and I finally see him play with his sister, even if it is just for 5 minutes before he drifts into his own world again, I am happy. Very happy, in fact.

I know it takes a lot in Zane to reach this milestone.

this is one area i never take for granted.

thank You, Lord, for Zane's progress.

Love,
Jess

a hard decision to make .....

2006-08-24T17:38:00.000+08:00

and it still remains so ....

esp after a closed door one to one conference with my principal.

for a very long time, i've never been so stuck in a life circumstance, or a situation, whatever you call it.

"Pray about it." It is more like a chant to me now.

Discuss it with dear hubby. Yes, we have been, since beginning of the year and more intense nowadays, but no conclusion yet.

Two guidelines will be my focus.

1. I will be a submissive wife. I will honour my husband's final decision for the household and put my personal desires to death.

2. Zoe must not fall under the mercy of a man made educational system.

God, please help. Please speak. Please be silent no more. We need very, very clear directions and if possible and You are willing, Your audible voice and plans for us. Thank You, Lord.

Love,
Jess

welcoming September

2006-08-21T18:11:00.000+08:00

September is always a long-awaited month for me.

It begins with a Teacher's Day Holiday.

And followed by third term school vacation, which to me is no vacation this year. What vacation is there if i have to go back to school two days for first aid course and two days for preparation work? I quickly booked a play date with Delci, one of my best friends, on my only available date. SO pathetic. Sigh .....

But nevermind, the term will start with an excitement, coz concert will be nearing! September will be intensive practice and October will be preparing the costumes and props. Nov will be the actual event. Can't wait! Of all the months in the year, I love Nov too !!

I'm looking forward to 19th Sept, when my dear Zane will turn 4.

And of course 23rd Sept, my Wedding Anniversary date. How blessed we are, this year's 23rd Sept falls on a Sat. So, GA for kids and good anniversary lunch / tea for Josh and I.

Yeah !!

But first, to be realistic, I've gotta clear my work for August.

"Super power ! Up, up and away!"

:)) Jesselyn

thirst

2006-08-20T21:25:00.000+08:00

" whoever who drinks from the water I give him will never thirst.
Indeed the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life."

John 4 : 14

" The Lord is my Shepherd,
I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
He leads me beside quiet waters.
He restores my soul,
He guides me in paths of righteousness for His Name's sake."

Psalm 23 : 1-3

Song :

" As the deer panthes for the waters,
so my soul longeths after Thee.
You alone are my heart's desire
And I long to worship You.

For You alone are my strength my shield,
For You alone, may my spirit yield.
You alone are my heart's desire
And I long to worship You."

****************************************************

I've sought consultation from another GP over my cough, sore throat and voicelessness. My voice is still very course. Tomorrow I will instruct the school children with sign language or whispers. :P

The GP did ask if I need an MC, I declined the offer. There are 1001 things waiting to be done in school, these next two weeks are crucial. No matter what, I must complete the term well.

God, please give me strength to complete all that need to be done these two weeks. Amen.

Strangely, I've been thinking a lot on : "Thirst"

The new course of medicine keeps leaving a dry taste in my mouth and I keep drinking water every half hourly, even in the middle of the night. (Think I will keep my water bottle next to my bed tonight so that I need not make numerous trips to the kitchen).

This thirst reminds me of the spiritual thirst each one of us have within us.

In school, May San just spoke to the children about the Samaritan woman whom Jesus met at the well. The comparision of drinking water and living water is obvious.

To go on, I need the living water too. And constantly. My soul is thirsty. And I wonder, is it extra testing or work of the devil? For the first time, I told May Wong that I would visit her cell group last Friday. She had been inviting my family to her cell since a year ago. We had only visited once, which was their Chinese New Year Cell celebration. But we only stayed an hour that night as Zoe was upset that her best friend had other friends to play with. And guess what? That Friday morning, I received an sms from May, that cell was cancelled. Hmmmm .......

Thirst, thirst .....

By the evening time, I began to feel very unwell.

Brought the children to Changi Airport and we had to leave within an hour as I was feeling very drowsy due to the cough medicine.

Sat? Totally voiceless. It is very frustrating to be voiceless. I had to attend a workshop in the morning. And being unable to talk, I can't participate in the discussion, or even ask the instructor questions. Nevermind, I will pen down my questions then. The group so far is boring. No one wanna contribute constructively and actively and it was a one way talking thingy from the instructor to us. Com'on people, be more proactive, this course is expensive to begin with.

Then, without my voice, other frustrations came in, like not being understood when I tried to answer his questions. Like being "har?" at 1001 times? Very irritable mood built up in me. Plus, when Zoe strayed away from me, I was expected to call her back. Excuse me? How to? Since I have NO Voice???? Why don't he call her for me? Super frustrating evening!

Sunday, due to the medicine, I was in bed most parts of the day. I am constantly thirsty. And I know, I am even more thirsty within.

May I soul begin to worship again.
Amen.

Love,
Jesselyn Ng

A Song :

Here I am waiting.

Abide in me, I pray.

Here I am longing,

For You.

Hide me in Your love,

Bring me to my knees.

May I know Jesus,

More and more.

Come, breathe in me,

All my life,

Take over.

Come, live in me.

And I will soar,

On eagle's wings."

Building Moral Intelligence

2006-08-18T17:06:00.000+08:00

Building Moral Intelligence

Top 10 Reasons to Build Student’s Moral IQ

Moral Intelligence is what helps children act right with or without our guidance, and the best news is that this critical intelligence can be taught.

Here are 10 reasons why we must build our students’ Moral IQ.

1. Nurtures Good Character.

The foundation to good character--or "moral intelligence"-- consists of seven core virtues: empathy, conscience, self-control, respect, kindness, tolerance, and fairness. These ultimately form our children's character and are the principles they'll use to direct the course of their lives long after we are gone. Building Moral IQ is our best hope that kids will have the foundation to good, solid character.

2. Teaches How To Think and Act Right.

In these troubling times, parents need to know ways to help their kids learn to not only think morally but also act morally. After all, the true measure of character rests in our actions-- not in mere thoughts.

Moral Intelligence teaches the specific moral habits that will get our kids on the right course so that they do act as well as think right.

3. Moral IQ Is Not Guaranteed.

Moral IQ is learned, though developing it is far from guaranteed. To ensure kids acquire it, we must intentionally model, nurture, reinforce, and teach it.

If we don't the result is tragic: an increase in insensitivity, dishonesty, aggression, incivility, cruelty, hatred, and injustice. We must be deliberate.

4. Protects Against Toxicity.

The truth is toxic influences are so entrenched in our culture that shielding kids from them is almost impossible. That's why it's crucial to build Moral IQ. It will serve as their moral compass so they have deep-seated convictions to stand by their choices and counter any pressures from inside or outside that go against the principles of good character.

5. Teaches Critical Life Skills.

Moral IQ is comprised of the skills needed to protect kids' moral lives such as resolving conflicts, empathizing, knowing right from wrong, asserting themselves, controlling anger, learning tolerance, negotiating fairly, communicating respectfully, cooperating, using self control, sharing, and knowing right from wrong.

These skills are needed in all life arenas, and especially in today's troubled world.

6. Creates Good Citizens.

It's important to remember that the most important measure of a nation is not its gross national product, its technological genius, or its military might. It is the character of its people.

Moral intelligence consists of seven timeless virtues that are the bedrock of good citizenship and responsible living.

7. Counters Temptations.

Moral Intelligence gives kids the power to counter outside and inside vices so that they do what's right. It's what helps them navigate through the ethical challenges and pressures they will inevitably face throughout life and choose the right moral choices so they do act right with or without adult guidance.

8. Prevents Violence and Cruelty.

Of the 26 wealthiest countries, our (USA) youth are the most violent. And peer cruelty is rising. Yet we continue to erect metal detectors and hire guards to "protect" students from themselves.

The best protection is fortifying them with Moral IQ and to teach three core virtues that lay the foundation for nonviolence: empathy, conscience, and self-control.

Without them, kids become time bombs just waiting for explode. We can't afford not to build their Moral Intelligence: it's our best hope.

9. Inspires Good Behavior.

Moral IQ is comprised of the essential moral virtues needed to help our kids become decent, caring, and respectful. These seven virtues become a template for creating our kids' character, guiding their actions, and ultimately defining their reputations as caring, good human beings.

10. Shapes Moral Destinies.

Moral growth is an ongoing process that will span the course of our children's lifetimes. But the habits and beliefs of Moral Intelligence we instill in our kids now will become their ethical foundation they'll use forever. It is what will greatly decide our children's moral destinies and will be our greatest legacy.

How to Accentuate Respect and Eliminate Disrespect in Your Students

Many of today’s students lack an understanding of respect because their experiences with this essential character trait have been minimal.

Think about it: If you are rarely around people who display respect and if you aren’t treated as though you are a valued and worthwhile individual, how can you possible “catch the behavior?”

That’s the secret of learning new character building behaviors—they’re caught by watching others do them well. Today’s schools and classrooms are enormously significant institutions because for many students these places may be the only times appropriate character building traits can be taught.

If you recognize this premise, you’ll also recognize the power of educators. Tune up the behavior you want to be caught and accentuate it.

Here’s how:

1. Model respectful statements.

Never forget how you impact your students—you may very well be their only model of respect! You may wish to say respectful statements so that the class may hear you: “Thank you, Mrs. Smith, for sharing your slides with us. We really appreciated them.” Or, “Excuse me, Sally, I didn’t mean to interrupt you.” For many students this may be the only time they hear what respect sounds like.

2. Accentuate respect.

In any environment, establish a firm commandment, “You may not talk hurtfully about yourself or others.” Put it in your own words if you like, but post it in a highly visible location, such as on the door, along the length of the chalkboard, or on a bulletin board.

3. Build awareness of respectful language.

Like is or not, we have become a negative, disrespectful society that too often emphasizes sarcasm, put-downs and disrespect. Listen to the popular sit-coms on television and count the frequency of statements based on negativity, ridicule and sarcasm.

Studies show the average student is watching a minimum of three hours of television a night. Many of today’s students are reared in homes seeping in disrespect and negativity.

So don’t assume your students know the language. Why not brainstorm lists as a class of statements that show respect and post them as a reminder that there are other choices to replace disrespect. “Thank you for sharing.” “What would your opinion be?” “Are you okay?” “Thank you.”

4. Label appropriate respectful language.

Many students need help in distinguishing between appropriate language and destructive language. They man have said disrespectful put-down statements so often they’ve conditioned themselves to say the negative. It is helpful to label appropriate and inappropriate language for students.

Terms that can be used to describe appropriate respectful language (depending on the age of your students) include: “Compliment,” “Sparkler,” “Validator,” “Booster,” “Builder-upper,” “Respect.” Inappropriate disrespectful language can be labeled by terms such as “Disrespectful,” “Zinger,” “Terminator,” “Put-down,” “ Detonator.”

Choose one term from each category, teach it to students and then consistently use it to label character builder language. “That’s a put-up,” or “That’s a put-down.”

Remember, your attempts at teaching students the skills of positive, respectful language will be greatly enhanced if students her the same key phrases, encouragement, vocabulary and tone.

5. Reinforce respectful statements.

Reinforce what you want to be repeated. Try to key in on the students’ respectful statements and forget the disrespectful ones for awhile. It’s easier to change behavior by focusing on the positive aspects instead of the negative.

Some students, however, make that very tough to do and will almost provoke you to put them down. If you remember that you’re only hooking into their game if you do, it’s be easier to stay focused on the respectful.

6. Practice respectful behavior skills.

Listing respectful statements on a poster, while helpful, is not enough to change students’ behavior. Students must be given opportunities to practice respectful behavior.

In many cases, positive character building skills will be unfamiliar to your students; they may not have been exposed tot he skills frequently enough for mastery or they may never have been exposed to them all.

We can no longer assume today’s students have acquired any of the essential character building skills and habits.

Keep in mind that many students may not be comfortable saying respectful statements. These students should be allowed to choose the kids of statements that they feel safe saying. “Hello,” “Hi,” “How are you?” or a smile and eye contact are appropriate first steps. Keep things in perspective: what kinds of behavior were they using yesterday? Think in baby steps.

Steps to Eliminate Disrespect

We all know that changing habits takes time and effort. Many students have been locked into saying and displaying disrespectful words and behaviors for years. We certainly can’t expect overnight success. So do expect skill backsliding for awhile in which a child will start to demonstrate the new skill, then just when you think they have moved up a notch on the respect ladder, the next day they’re back to where they had been or worse off than they were before.

These are normal patterns to expert since our behavior tends to resort to what we’re most comfortable with—that’s why habits are also so difficult to change. Don’t despair and never give up! You can help students learn more respectful behavior by slowly replacing their own disrespectful habits.

These next techniques show you ways to replace the older habits with newer, more appropriate ones.

The most important rule for your success is this: “Be Consistent.”

1. Draw awareness to disrespect.

Whenever students go against your classroom “respect commandment,” be careful not to be negative toward their already disrespectful disposition. Disrespect quickly breeds disrespect.
Casually mention, “Remember, we only say respectful words.”

Some teachers use a private code or signal between themselves and certain students. Each time the students says a disrespectful comment, the teacher says a word such as “Zap!” or uses a quiet signal (such as raising one finger) as a reminder to stop.Often students are not aware of how many disrespectful statements they are saying.

2. Label disrespect…Call it!

Students need to recognize disrespectful put-downs by saying a code word or making a sound immediately back to the sender. The code should be agreed upon by all students so that they recognize it. Words such as “disrespectful putdown,” “pricklie,” “zinger” or sounds such as “ouch,” “Buz-z-z-“ will help the send recognize that the statement was inappropriate.

3. Teach skills to defuse disrespect.

If the objective is to squelch disrespect on campus, then it is critical to teach everyone (peers and staff) to take the same steps in handling disrespectful actions.

“Defuser” skills can calm disrespectful behaviors before they detonate into a full explosion (usually physical or verbal retaliation).

Teach skills to replace negativity. Many of our students are locked into disrespectful, inappropriate behavior patterns simply because they don’t know what to do instead.

Asking them to “Be more respectful” or “Act nicer” has no value if the student does not know how to demonstrate the skills of respect or kindness. These skills need to be taught. Keep in mind, however, that new behaviors take a tremendous amount of repetition and commitment before they can replace the older, more comfortable habits.

Students will slip back easily into older disrespectful behavior patterns unless the newer skills of respect are continually reinforced and practiced.

Consistency and reinforcement are critical.

Don’t give up, though! Respectful attitudes are contagious.

Moral Intelligence Checklist for Students :

yes no The student (without adult reminders or coaxing) regularly:

____ ____ Shows sensitivity and has a lot of feeling for others.

____ ____ Tries to see things from the other person's view, not just his own.

____ ____ Is honest and trustworthy; can be counted on to keep his word.

____ ____ Feels shame or guilt about his wrong actions; accepts the blame.

____ ____ Easily calms down when excited or angry; copes with behavioral impulses

____ ____ Behaves appropriately without reminders; thinks before acting.

____ ____ Treats everyone respectfully and courteously; no back talk or sass.

____ ____ Shares, helps, or comforts others without expecting something in return.

____ ____ Is open-minded: listens to all sides before forming opinions.

____ ____ Focuses on the positive traits of others instead of their differences.

____ ____ Tries to solve problems fairly and peacefully; willing to compromise.

____ ____ Total Score

If you checked less than 8 "yes" it means the child’s Moral IQ could use some boosting. Remember: it's never too early-or late-to begin.

occupational diseases ........... sigh ............

2006-08-18T16:40:00.000+08:00

This morning, it was my turn to share in the Staff Devotion, I noticed that for the last three rounds, each time it was my turn, each time I was down with sore throat, fever and cough.

Today, it started with cough, and now, I'm voiceless .... I already seen my GP twice. :(. Don't tell me another round to the clinic ?

I will try all the natural remedies first, if really cannot clear my throat, then no choice but to see my GP on Sunday night. I need to get my voice back. Next week is another fire fighting week in school. So many things have to be done before school closes on 31 August.

Jess

a waiting God

2006-08-18T05:34:00.000+08:00

Isaiah 30 : 18

"and therefore the Lord waits to be gracious to you;

He lifts Himself up,

that He may have mercy on you

and show loving-kindness to you.

For the Lord is a God of justice.

Blessed are those who wait for,

(who expect and look and long for Him).

I hope God will speak to hearts

2006-08-15T15:08:00.000+08:00

Finally, this morning, I had the opportunity to speak to my Principal and got some things off my chest.

Have always been wanted to find a chance to tell her about these issues, but usually very bad timings and maybe I lack the courage for fear that I may not be able to present myself well.

God was with us in that tiny office. She was all smiles. And we will leave the situation to the Hand of God.

"Lord, if You are willing, please speak to the hearts of men. Let all things work together for good, for those who love You and are called according to Your purpose. Amen."

Love,
Jess

Sick and still thinking of work

2006-08-13T10:46:00.000+08:00

Have not been well since two weeks back.

Seen my GP once, finished all the medicine and did not fully recover.
How to recover? As teachers, we have to use our voices. And occasionally raise them.

After the National Day hol, I find my throat soring again. This time round I know, it will lead to throat inflammation, followed by fever and backache. It is not that I am self prophesizing, just that since I started teaching in an open concept school, it has been so each time my throat acts up.

The first year of teaching was bad. I saw my GP for this problem any other month and the fever could run really high. This year, the frequency has reduced.

Anyway, this second round to the GP, I pressed him for anti-biotics. An unwise thing to do, I know. But, only with anti-biotics, then this soreness and inflammation will go. As a mother to two young children, I can't afford to be sick for too long, being sick for too long also means higher chance of them catching the virus from me. So, I've been diligently making sure I get well fast.

When I was a "Miss Liau", such things won't nag at me too much. Really not well? Take your well-deserved MC lah. Anyway, in a school's culture, it will be manageable for a teacher to go on one day MC, your colleagues can cover your duties for you. If it is more than a day, you will be seen as taxing and stretching your colleagues. Unless, the school practices engaging relief teachers. This dun always happen in my preschool.

Can't help thinking about work even when lying in bed. The mind is still mapping, planning, visualizing, conceptualizing, etc... do all teachers have this occupational hazard? I still find myself typing away and surfing on my lap-top each time I got up from bed.

Later, I will still write the lessons' plans.

Tomorrow is Monday. So fast, yah ?

Thankfully, no family dinner tonight.

Love,
Jesselyn Ng

counting down ....

2006-08-13T10:16:00.000+08:00

13 more school weeks to go for the year 2006.

13 more weeks to be with my K1 students.

13 more weeks before I see them moving on to K2 for year 2007.

By Mental Calculation, I'm breaking down my teaching focus by the remaining 13 weeks.

3 weeks (Term 3) : Theme on Occupation. Focus will be on Creative Writing.

6 weeks (Term 4 before Concert Week) : Theme on Food. All about Food. Money Concept to be introduced. Real life buying experiences to be conducted.

3 weeks (Term 4 after Concert) : More complex concepts to be taught with hands on approaches. Preparation for K2.

That's it. My broad planning.

Now ..... my micro planning. Ok, back to my detailed lesson planning.

Love,
Jesselyn Ng

How interesting ...

2006-08-10T20:13:00.000+08:00

Just this morning, I read Delci's hs blog (again).

Chanced upon one of her friend's comments in her blog.

I've heard a lot about this lady from Delci.

She's a teacher too.

She's a mum to two too.

She also likes to write.

She has one special child, and a very brilliant child, I must say.

I did thought of getting to know her through Delci, but never get to do it. I'm also too shy to leave a comment in her blog (well, we are still perfect strangers).

Anyway, after reading her comment in Delci's blog, I was thinking this morning on my way to Sc Ctr, that maybe I would wanna know more about what she suggested.

Lo and behold, I met her at Sc Ctr, Waterworks, at a perfect timing, when our boys were there (at the same time).

It was a very pleasant encounter.

Glad to know you, Janice.

Love,
Jesselyn

school holiday today !

2006-08-10T07:44:00.000+08:00

Today will be a simple day for three of us.

Initially, wanted to take Zoe and Zane out in the morning. Just realised that today is Zane's therapy day! smsed Evonne and re-confirmed the session.

Ok, so, therapy for Zane in the morning and art class for Zoe in the afternoon.

There goes my school holiday, hmmmm ....

Oh yes, I want to clean the house. It has been extra dusty since the * month started. Sigh ......

Mummy and Maid Jess

what a surprise, what a bonus !

2006-08-09T18:45:00.000+08:00

What a Surprise !

After I entered the last blog, while getting ready to leave the house, received a call from my new Principal. She told me about the exemption which they intended to give to me. This I know is the doing of Choo and Tang.

Anyway, I know, I am expected to be there tomorrow, I will be there. And I am going because my students and their parents are expecting me and a few would want to discuss their children's progress.

I will not put the Principal in a difficult position. I know the grounds for giving me exemption isn't strong, though I appreciate the gesture of thoughtfulness very much.

Anyway, today, the Family Day went on very fine. Very good planning from the church's side. The weather was perfect. Thank You, Lord.

What a bonus!

Yesterday, by the time we met hubby, it was already 7.30pm. The kids were very hungry and so we had dinner at the nearest coffee shop first. This turned out to be a bonus.

As usual, after dinner, we wanted to head to Changi Airport, our favourite place for the children to run about. And, this, also turned out to be a bonus.

I noticed the unusual slow traffic along ECP. Plus the jam around Shenton Way, which will never happen on a weekday ..... unless, unless, unless ........

wanna make a guess?

Some of you might have got it......... !

Unless there is a fireworks display show !!!!!

We were at the tail end of the Benjamin Shears Bridge.

ECP is a 5 lanes' expressway. But, 3 lanes of cars just stopped and waited for the fireworks to begin! Of course traffic police would be powerless. They could only ensure public saftey.

The crazy thing was : when the fireworks display started, many drivers and passesngers just got off the cars and walked towards the grass patch area to catch a better view. Some would place their kids on the cars' roofs!! This is so crazy !! And can be seen as dangerous. Only safe coz no vehicle could move since there weren't any drivers in the first place. Ha !!

Zoe enjoyed the fireworks display from within the car. Today, her art work is fireworks and more fireworks, on her hands, btw.

This is truly a great bonus, esp for Zoe.

We had a great night out.

The children slept very well. Till 10.30 or 11am in fact.

I'm glad the Lord made this day went very well and joyous.

It turned out to be a good holiday afterall.

Thank You, Lord, You are so kind.

I know You care.

Love,
Jesselyn Ng

though a simple gesture, but i felt loved

2006-08-08T18:08:00.000+08:00

This morning, I received an sms from my darling. He said if he can find a car with a reasonable price, he will rent one.

Now, my mind is rather slow nowadays. So, I thought he may be talking about car-sharing. Or weekend cars. Anyway, I didn't reply to that sms.

Then, in the afternoon, I received another sms from him, saying that he has rented a car from 6pm till 6 pm tomorrow. Price? $110!

To me, that is pricey. But when I know it is because he wants to fetch me from my "workplace" tomorrow, my heart melted.

So, before 6pm, I've got the children ready. All bathed and all set to leave the house. We will have a late night out. The children can sleep in later tomorrow morning while I report for work. Then, hopefully, with their appearance, I can leave the premise earlier. I can't imagine I gotta stay till 2.45pm for the bus transport. That means my whole PH is GONE!!?????

This is my country.
This is my flag.
This is my future.
This is my life.
I want my family.
I want my hol.
arrrghhhhhh ........

Thanks, hubby. I love you.
Thank you for loving me.

Jess

A time to plant and a time to uproot

2006-08-07T19:23:00.000+08:00

Today, had the opportunity to have lunch with Mrs Wong and Mrs Phua again. These two ladies always make it a point to leave the Kindergarten together, today, I chose to join them. Of course that would mean bringing my work home to do. And while lunching, I saw Mrs Wong too, brought her students' work home to mark. She is a dedicated and detailed teacher, I must say.

The fellowship across the table was brief but fruitful. It was a good time of sharing. The subjects of course will evolve around the Kindergarten, the teachers, the principals, the children and the parents. Shared some tips with Mrs Wong as to how to tackle different situations as with regards to children and the parents. She is a very diligent lady and best of all, humble.

In the midst of the sharing, Mrs Wong assumed that my class is that well behaved because I have the privilege to follow them up from Nursery. Well, consistency is something we teachers must practise if we want the children to respect and obey us. We carry out what we say and we keep our promises. There is a time to praise and there is also a time to correct.

I enjoy my class very much. I wish .... they will be in good hands.

A time to plant and a time to uproot.

To plant foundation in them and to uproot myself, coz the seedlings in my very own yard need me.

Love,
Jesselyn

A Time For Everything

2006-08-05T01:17:00.000+08:00

Some things in life, once they are lost, they are gone forever.

Some things in life, once they had past you by, they would never be back again.

Some things in life, they are just meant to be with you for a season of your life. They are not meant to stay.

So, learn to let go.

And, learn to move on.

"There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:

a time to be born and a time to die,

a time to plant and a time to uproot,

a time to kill and a time to heal,

a time to tear down and a time to build,

a time to weep and a time to laugh,

a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

a time to search and a time to give up,

a time to keep and a time to throw away,

a time to tear and a time to mend,

a time to be silent and a time to speak,

a time to love and a time to hate,

a time for war and a time for peace."

Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8

* dear readers, please do not take these verses literally. God is against murder, so when it says a time to kill, it may mean a time to kill a passion (something non-living) or a memory, not to kill a person.

Jess

How can such a thing happen ????

2006-08-01T19:20:00.000+08:00

For a few minutes, my heart stopped beating just now.

Usually Zoe and Zane will race to the lift lobby once we step out of the house.
Usually Zoe will win.
Usually Zoe will hold the lift door for all of us.

Just now, Zane was too fast. He reached the lift first, he happily went in and he didn't know how to hold the lift. So ..... he could only watch the door closed !!!!!

When I rushed to the lift with Zoe, Zane was already on his way down !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Arrgghhhhhhh ..... how can such a thing happen??????

I really panicked !!!! Big time !!!!

And ...... the lift stopped at level 9 and it started to come back up !!!
This will never happen, but it did !!!

Our flat's lifts are the old generation type, only goes up or down all the way, no such thing as stop mid way and go back up again. So, if you are at level 5, and need to go to Level 12. You will have to take lift to Level 1 and then go to Level 12.

I am thankful for the miracle.

Zane burst out crying when he saw me. I was so glad that the lift did not go all the way down. It was near school dismissal time and many cars were moving in and out of my carpark.

Thank God. Gan Xie Zhu. :)

Love,
Jess

I am glad that ......

2006-08-01T17:54:00.000+08:00

I am glad that many of my students' parents opted to let their children continue in the school. I do wish that I can follow my students up for their final year. And that, for now, remains as a wish.

I am beginning to see the fruits of my labour in my students. They are beginning to write and a handful of them can even manage a paragraph. Since day one I took the class, I exposed them to lots of reading and prints. I get them to express their thoughts whenever I flash a picture. I encourage them to build on their sentences. And now, they are writing their expressions out, all on their own. I am so glad to see even the weaker students managing the tasks well. Today, as I put up their love expressions to our nation on the display board, I was beaming with pride.

They are also confident speakers now. With the regular show and tell, plus coming up in front of the class to attempt to read a book, answer a question, etc. the children now are no longer shy when they are in the "limelight". There is also much less prompting from me. This round's show and tell is so purely children's input and achievements.

There are still a few more projects at hand. I know they can manage. I just need more time with them. Let me clear the national day and butterfly park ones first.

Busy, busy, busy ..... but glad .....

Love,
Jesselyn Ng

never expected this pleasant surprise

2006-07-30T22:19:00.000+08:00

This weekend is a car-less weekend. It is quite a hassle without a car when you have two young children in tow. If it rains, it will be more challenging. Coz there will be many times when you need a cab and none will be available to take you and even when you call for one, it just won't come. So, this weekend, we tried to take public bus transport as far as possible. We also realise that it will usually limit our choice destinations to Orchard, Raffles City, Marina Square or Esplanade. Well, you guessed it, these are the bus route's destinations, ha.

Anyway, both days, we headed to Suntec area.

Today, Josh needed to check on his project, so we made a quick trip to Orchard. The bus was packed, so all of us sat on different single seats. Zoe was two seats away from me.

Zoe brought her newest bouncey ball out. And like any other disobeying child, she took the ball out in the crowded bus. And you guessed it again, she dropped it (just how predictable it can get, isn't it?). As it is a bouncey ball and as its name suggests, it is very bouncey, so, it boing, boing, boing under the whole row of seats till even mummy bent all the way till her face could kiss the bus floor, she still couldn't see it. One kind lady tried looking around her feet for the ball.

As we were alighting soon, we had to give up the search. When we went down the bus' steps, I saw the ball stucked under the bus door. As the doors open and close, the ball would be dragged along. I attempted to pull the ball out but with no success. I could only let go and watch the doors close and the bus driving off, with a teary Zoe next to me. She cried not because she "lost" her bouncey ball, but because mummy was really mad and scolded her upside down. I really gave her an earful. She has this habit of losing things. How can I let her learn to take care of her belongings unless I let her bring a few out? I can't banned her from bringing anything out for too long. She will never have the chance to be responsible for her stuffs. How is she gonna make it in Primary School, I really wonder. And, I am faithless in this aspect. Of course, those times she came home with the same items she brought out, I did praise her. But that doesn't mean she hardly lose things.

Our Suntec trip was "normal". I wasn't keen in food, cafe or shopping. So, by two plus, I wanted us to head home.

At the bus stop it started raining. Oh well. The bus took a very long time to arrive. We almost wanted to give up and join the taxi queue.

Just then, a 50+ year old lady who was standing next to us took out a ball and said she recognised Zane. She handed Zane the ball, assuming that it was him who dropped it. She said, after we alighted and the door close, she retrieved the ball from the step. She told herself she would wash the ball and who knows she may bump into us again. And, she did !!!!! The ball has scratches on it, but never mind, I am going to keep it as a momento. This is the hand of God. No one else can perform this miracle. That instant, I heard the voice of God, "I care, My child."

The amazing thing is we actually alighted in Orchard and headed to Suntec, while that kind lady alighted at Suntec. And, we met at the bus stop at the same time. We all know how crowded Suntec can be on a Sunday. In the midst of the conversation, that lady mentioned "Gan3 Xie4 Zhu3", (translated "Thank the Lord Jesus")........ yes, indeed, gan xie zhu. Amen.

Thank You, Lord.

Love,
Jess

Man Proposes, God Disposes

2006-07-24T14:20:00.000+08:00

To a man belong the plans of the heart, but from the Lord comes the reply of the tongue.

All a man's ways seem innocent to him, but motives are weighed by the Lord.

Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed.

In his heart, a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.

Proverbs 16

.....................................

"Lord God, Thou Art in Heaven, please direct our steps.
We can plan, we can envision. But we need Your reply.
We need to commit and we need to wait upon You.
We want to know what are the next steps for us.
Please show us Your ways."

losing the ability to talk .... about ... "it"

2006-07-15T01:02:00.000+08:00

slowly and surely, I find myself very poor in expressing myself whenever people ask me questions like "how" regarding both Zoe and Zane.

this week, my closer colleagues and friends asked me about Zoe's psychological report and what I intend to do about it, alongside with the Dr's recommendations? I found myself not answering them fully and not even wanting to look them in the eye. Why? coz I know I will cry. The scary part is : I've become ... a bit speech handicapped. I don't know how to carry on those conversations. I've to tell Miss Tang and Mrs Choo, "don't ask anymore lah. I will cry one."

Many of these kind-hearted ladies assured me Zoe will cope well in Primary School. Dr's reports can take it with a pinch of salt, as mummy will know best.

still, my heart is faint.

then comes Zane..... how many people actually know, in the stillness of the nights, when I'm all alone in the study room, when I think about Zane and our future, I can only cry? How many people actually know how I really feel? When I told Autism Association of Singapore that I couldn't take up the 11am time slot for Zane because of work commitment, I really wanna slap myself. "What kind of mother are you?" But surely, I cannot quit with immediate notice, can I?

God, do you know that it is tough? Very, very tough? Can you hear my cries for mercy and help?

I shall not write anymore. I'm very tired. Very, very tired.

At least one thing I hope : no more questions please, as I won't know how to answer you.

am I still mad ?

2006-07-11T00:22:00.000+08:00

Honestly, I do not know and I don't wish to make it known to myself ..... ie. am I still mad ?

Had a brief conversation with Oi Leng. She hit on a sore question which I always hope no one will ask, coz I won't know how to answer. I only 'jokingly' said, "Well, I will never wanna have a number three. If number three also like that or worse than number two, I will really "fan lian" with Him."

I long and hope for a miracle. I honestly want a change. Don't tell me there are many others who are in the same boat. I am not alone, blah, blah, blah. I still have to answer myself .... am I still mad ?

In my lot, normalcy is a luxury. When I see others around me taking normalcy for granted and even be harsh to their normal children, I really feel like kicking those parents in their asses. They never appreciate the joy of normalcy. And taking for granted the way they can have two way communications with their children easily.

2007 ..... how to walk the road ahead? Dare not think ... God, one thing for sure, we need more money. Intervention programs need money. Travelling need money. Materials need money. More please, if You are willing to provide.

The first day of my 33rd year on planet earth

2006-06-16T17:49:00.000+08:00

It is strange that the older you get, the more you may want a quiet birthday.

I remember that when I was young ......
Birthdays were always a bash!

Maybe because it falls during the holidays and everyone was in the mood to celebrate for and with you, maybe it is just the right month. Is that such thing as wrong months? Yes, to me, exam months are wrong months. :P

When I was a little girl, think as young as Zoe, I already asked my mum for a birthday party. She created one for me. The guests were cousins and neighbours and there were even disco music! Hahaha .... imagine some small kiddos twirling around in a very small HDB flat? Hahaha ....

Secondary School days were fun. Birthdays were celebrated in dayssssssssss ..... of course not forgetting all the sabo-tage. Like being smashed with eggs, ketchup, floor and water ????? Ha, those were the days.

Now, how did yesterday go?

My little girl self-made a handbag for me. It is made from A4 paper, comes with a handle, but when you carry it by the handle, the base will drop, so you gotta carry it like you are carrying a box.

She put a pen and paper in there, so that I can write whenever I wanted.

She put a self-created game, so that I can play with it when I am bored.

She put a top in it, so that I can spin with it.

She put her first birthday letter in it, so that I can read it.

When she asked me what cake do I want, she was quiet for a moment but agreed with my choice. Coz, I wanted .... durians !!! And she hates that, hahaha ....

She sang me a birthday song and gave me lots of love and hugs.

She drew a birthday cake and attempted to draw 33 candles on it, but gave up at 13, I think, coz no more space on the cake.

My son ? He was too happy to be out whole day, it was eating and playing and eating and playing, till his battery life flats out at 8pm.

We put the kids with Adeline and had a very long and good lunch at Island Cafe, Level 4 at Tangs. Hey, ladies, next time we place our kids there, can consider this cafe, tea time specials are only at $6.50. kekeke ....

It has been a long while since I felt so relaxed. No rush, no burdensome thoughts, no fatigue.

Walking down Orchard Road can be fun, esp, if you are with your loved one. Almost walked into House of Condom, hahahaaha .... but didn't lah.

Night time, no part two .... coz aunt is here for a visit. hahaha .... corny, I know. It's holiday ! and it is ending soon ! sigh sigh ...

Love,
Jesselyn Ng

Would you still love me ?

2006-06-09T22:50:00.000+08:00

Many a times, I wonder, if Zane can talk, what will he say when he sees certain reactions of the adults when he does something inappropriate or unacceptable.

My imaginery thoughts of Zane, just to remind me to love him, love him and love him.

When I throw myself to the floor, will you still love me? There is something that is not quite right, and I dunno how to tell you, so I throw myself to the floor. I am not being naughty. I don't know why I want to do that. Will you still love me?

When I bite you, will you still love me? I may be frustrated with you because you don't understand what I want or you are not giving me what I want, and so I bite. Will you still love me? Sometimes I bite because there is a sensory overload and I need to let off some of those. Will you still love me? Sometimes I just want to see how you will react when I bite you because I don't seem to feel anything much when my friends bite me, so, will you still love me?

When I bang my head on the floor and hurt myself, will you still love me? I must have been very very mad at you for saying "No", but I do not know how to manage my frustration appropriately yet. Will you still love me?

When I refuse to eat my meals and clam my mouth, will you still love me? When I really don't want to nap and I know you need a break from me badly, will you still love me?

When I make a mess of myself, will you still love me? It makes me sad too, to see you so upset over my mess. I still hope to know, after you spank me, will you still love me?

When my actions invite stares from the public, will you still love me? When I hum and sing loudly on the public bus, will you still love me? When I storm my feet whenever I hear you say, "Let's go, Zane.", will you still love me?

I hope you will still love me. Because I love you.

"I love you, my son. I always will." - Mummy

By Jesselyn Ng, Zane's mummy